THE EVE 24.12.2015

“I will honor Christmas in my heart, try to keep it all the year.”

 

I LOVE YOU JESUS!

(resting face = bitch resting face)

Hahahaha what a warm greeting! :\

Mei Xuan.

Writing this entry, nonetheless.

Happy birthday to the boy that made this year somewhat magical for me.

 

 

Pretty much a friendlier photo of us. We were indeed having a 'friendly' match what. (;

 

I came to realize he is as flamboyant as he denies, but yet, also a simple man as he insists. And I say this with genuine affection for that person he is. In spite of what's going on I am thankful to meet him because he is capable not merely of a tough career, but of such optimism and loving care in our time together. He's a great guy so I'd want nothing less than happiness for him. I remember rare moments he didn't sound as sprightly. Those were times when he missed his family a lot.

 

Soooooooooo.... from the bottom of my heart

Happy birthday Gary, but more than that I wish that you may soon find that perfect situation between chasing your dream and spending enough time with your family. :D

 

* HAVE A BLESSED TWENTY-SEVENTH *

Like everything else in life we sought, we had to first be most deserving of it.

When you seek trust, you can't not provide the thing that is behind it - security. And when you need someone to persist in a relationship, well you can't make it so difficult for him. Acting in ways only we deemed fit, we lost each other to our feelings of righteousness.

Surprising thoughts on a rainy night

 

The girl lay on his shoulder, pretty confident it was hers to lie on for some time to come. She asked the boy a question, which didn't seem taboo at that point in time. "Hmm! Would we be as short-lived? Will you forget us as easy as you did the rest?" Anyone else may have given the perfect reply but the boy was seen giving it real thought.

"Hey don't say that. You are different." She slept well.

How different?

The people of today would rather stand next to a man with no substance but covered in gold. What if God was dressed as a carpenter with dirty nails and beaten boots? Only those with truth in them will recognize truth. And you must learn to recognize all that is untrue to get the truth. —Suzy Kassem

Blessed to have friends whom always spring mini surprises. Sometimes when I'm upset I tend to shut off from everybody, but they get to me anyway. Makes me go :) :)

 

 

Thanks Dap for being so proud (and vocal lol) of me. I am too! :) Sleeping early to brace a long day ahead. Night.

That there are choices out here, present and offering up a band aid for our wound.

 

But that's the same story you hear when people come to realize they've lost the right one forever. Seeking refuge at the wrong time only brings you to wrong people. Human beings will cause each other pain in one way or another somewhere down the road - if the journey was honest and faced real problems.

 

I think, it's easy for somebody to show up new and promise great things. Perhaps even feel like great things. But to fix the damage when it hurts them too, only time can tell. It's what a true lover will do for you.

 

Not now.

Thus, any negative emotion we feel becomes unwarranted. This was extracted from an ebook:

Jesus' only desire was to give. He wanted nothing back in return. It was enough for him to see the people fed. That they were taken care of was all he needed to be satisfied.

 

It's so easy, when embroiled in any kind of struggle with another, to only think of what that struggle is costing you. How did they hurt me? you think. How did they wrong me? When I showed them a measure of goodwill, when I gave them the benefit of the doubt, did they in any way show they were grateful to me for being so kind?

 

"What am I getting out of this?" That's the gist of what we often think when we're in or trying to resolve a fight.

 

Well, next time you find yourself thinking like that, remember how Jesus fed the people. It's almost as much a miracle that Jesus so selflessly fed them as that he fed them in the first place. If I fed thousands of people from nothing but five loaves of bread and a couple of fish, I would expect there to be a huge statue commemorating it on the very next day, if not sooner. I would be tempted to make it all about me and not about simply feeding the people.

 

You may not have the ability to do the physical miracles Christ performed. But we all have what it takes to do the greatest single miracle Jesus performed over and over again: loving selflessly. If you want to live a regret-free life, love others selflessly. It is that miraculous.

A week since I moved. Already, I see the difference it makes. Living at Dad's I no longer dread going home. Not much conversation goes on during weekdays, but I take comfort in this peace. Traveling's inconvenient. I've real responsibilities now too. But after 12 years, we're under one roof and just 2 minutes away from my sister. Worthy trade-off. :)

A little story tonight

小幸运

What a pleasant dream it'll be

Luke 6:31
Do to others as you would have them do to you.

因为流浪的心  归属了天堂
因为不安的爱  崇拜了信仰

Honor the space between no longer and not yet.

Welll. Life right now in this later part of 2015 has been inconceivably difficult. Work, the situation at home, and a relationship I hold close are all hanging by the thread. Nope I'm not emotional don't worry. I think about the complexities and what I can do to avoid them in future.

 

Dear girls and/or acquaintances who read, it's going to be a pile of dull notes here. You might want to consider checking back when my new space is up. It will be up soon! A happier, brighter one. Meanwhile let me take time to deflate before I inflate again. If that makes sense.

"Some people are good at being in love. Some people are good at love. Two very different things, I think. Being in love is the romantic part—sex all the time, midday nap in the sheets, the jokes, the laughter, sweet long conversations with no pauses, overwhelming separation anxiety... Just the best sides of both people, you know? But love begins when the excitement of being in love starts to fade: the stress of life sets in, the butterflies disappear, sex becomes less frequent, the tears, the sadness, the arguments, the cattiness... The worst parts of both people. And if you still want that person by your side through all of those things, that's when you know—you are good at love."

They say musicians are most part eccentric. But they often find the words to describe the hardest things in life. Word from Matthew Healy.

You're a very peculiar girl. By soul and by sight. That alone makes you more than any other kinds of beauty what.

 

'Peculiar'. Never thought of myself that way. Not one to feel high on compliments but hearing this said in such a candid manner startled me a little. What dear friends, to think me so well. OK I'll aim to be a better person!

 



Handmade. Happy Mid Autumn!

 

HTHT with Daddy. He gave some really sound advice when I asked about his marriage to AD. By a certain age, it is of great importance to see the difference between buying into romance and buying something that lasts forever. What is the thrill of a personality? We get tired of moving around eventually. What about beauty? Well he said in the next 10 years we all grow to look the same -- like common aunties and uncles. That is also true. And we are left with?

 

Comfort, and the closeness of heart and mind. Something I'll be thinking about.

They say love will never make you feel alone.

 

When someone you love does not tell you important things, it's hard not to feel vulnerable. But trust is having the faith he won't destroy you anyway.
 

Almost always, this is the moment every relationship will be put to test. Hovering between difficulty and temptation, all the words before don't matter, and the actions (which lead to an outcome) can either enlighten, or dishearten you.

 

Been putting my whole stash of Under Armour gear from US to good use! NTC aside... I picked up a new sport. (;

 

Army prints hehehe

 

I feel different lately. I used to be fanatically proud of my emotions. Haha. From negative indifference, anger, jealousy to positive ones like excitement, loving affection, patience. They were my 'guides' to the extent I cared about every individual. I lacked basic etiquette responding to messages from casual friends, giving my time to the ones who actually matter.

  

But then I realized how important it is to really take charge of our feelings. Because even while we care, emotions do swing both ways. The not-so-healthy ones as well. It's okay to feel a certain way and be honest about it. It is never okay to hold other people responsible.

  

Good morning!

Put your positive pants on!

The scariest thing about attachment. No one, however kind or desirable, remains a novelty forever.

I wasn't able to console the sobbing voice over the phone. Life is such.

One day :.)

Don't keep scores. 

Don't lose sight of what's really important.

Not the best of living conditions
and miles on foot under BURNING weather. 

Yet this country revealed kinds of beauty 

I wouldn't be able to experience any place else.

Always a good morning in Vietnam.

Write soon, after I've settled my heaps of work piling up. 

Great to be home (with fluffy bed and elephants)!

So much of the way we're raised in this world says that you should try to be loved widely, you should try to be famous, you should fight to be successful but sometimes the most important thing is the smallest thing and it is just beautiful love with a single person.

<3

HELLO I'M HOME! Two weeks of traveling the USA with work mates and a final week in Canada. That said, the trip itself was daunting at some point as I lost 4,000 SGD worth of currencies in Los Angeles. I panicked with all of my cash and card gone. Gotta thank every one of them present for being so reassuring (esp Jay Jaime who kept trying hard to make me laugh after), my best friends who wanted to transfer money from Singapore, Daddy who surprisingly didn't scold but fussed over safety, and G for taking good care of me when I 白吃白住。Painful lesson but I guess necessary.

Too many photographs and moments to write about. In short, I discovered great friends within my colleagues. I felt closer to G than before. Jet lag so just one now. Biasedly, my favorite stop of all.

Been in relationships but none like this. I've met someone who matches me in every sense of the word. Someone whom I can be free and completely myself with. This person here loves us in the best ways he knows possible. We could do everything or nothing together. We could visit exciting places or stroll in the most boring of malls. But he mustn't hear of this 'cause those malls were reallyyyy boring hahaha. Still, where he is is where I want to be and that's absolutely true story.

I wish we had more. More time, more physical presence, more lazy and then more inspirational days. In spite of what I wish, I am tremendously grateful.

Good things start with G: Giving

So, this is what it feels like

Be in at the right place right time

Right here and now feels like forever

Never touch the ground when we're together

We're definitely not in the right place at the right time. There is more uncertainty in the future ahead than I have undertaken before. But you're the one I can be with, the one who keeps to our one precious date day even as you touchdown at 9 in the morning. Thank you for making us your foremost priority to see and to hold.

Lying beside you talking about 'everything under the sun' as promised, I finally understood your point of view regarding certain decisions. When you so genuinely explained, there were things you said that really touched my heart. Even though I laughed it off. The important questions you eventually asked, well I want so much to say, I'm willing to accept everything that comes with you. That big uncertainty, the disappointment of canceled plans, the frequent distance. I didn't. Guess I will wait for time. Till you believe I know what I have chosen. Vice versa.

As I watched him struggle to stay awake and then fall asleep, I realized I do love this person. How he never brushes off my feelings or thoughts (which can be unusually hard to decipher). And how he's not used to any of this kinda relationship-stuffs but never allows me to feel lesser. Lol also amazing how even in his sleep he knows whenever I leave the bed and pulls me back into his embrace later on. Fighter instincts maybe? Hehe.

G's leaving again in 2 days but I'm grateful for this extra time. 04.06.2015 is a good day to remember. (: While I've learnt that life can show you everything today, and leave you with nothing tomorrow, I stick to putting my best foot forward every time.

Gary flew his first solo on a JET. It sure is something to write about because I'm super proud of him! How nice to wake up to his safe text and cute exclamation, "Hi love! Landed hehe."

I hear from almost everyone that being a fighter pilot is highly sought-after because of its prestige and all. But whenever they go like 'wah' or 'no no no' (either one), I'd think to myself. It's not like I was seeking a pilot, and found a relationship. It really doesn't matter to me what he does. But taking time to watch the show Jetstream, indeed I've got new found respect for what he goes through. While G isn't arrogant or anything like that, he takes pride in his work. And I'm just glad to be there for him on down days. Happy days too of course! (:

CAN'T WAIT. ONE DAY.

最重要的决定。

"Safe With Me" Sam Smith

Best wishes.

Starbucks | Dappy

Spent a huge sum making the changes, but we both feel it'd be worth it. Thanks for taking time to search for flights and making arrangements amid your packed days. (: Suddenly it's almost unreal that I will be able to see you again. Yay.

I really want to thank God. We touched down at 01:00 on Tuesday, Typhoon Noul hit into Okinawa early that morning. Thankful we merely experienced heavy rain on our flight home. I was unaware concussing the day, waking up to texts from friends and colleagues. We are so lucky. To have enjoyed chilly weather amidst sunshine right before the storm. Amen.

Good things start with G:

If it were any other I'd be sure to roll my eyes

Because it's him I laugh. And then I followw hehe.
You're the only (romantic) thing I need, too.

Good things start with G: Gym x Grandmothers

'Love the distance as much as the togetherness.'

I never felt comfortable airing my feelings publicly through social media or even verbally (well except to my closest). Here where it is private as should be, I wrote freely.

I surprised myself today. I spent an hour removing entries of **, one by one. We are both at different places and will unlikely coincide again. Yes, I know I've said any kind of memory must be kept. This time though I am against keeping. I realize he did not belong to any of the categories this space was created for. More importantly, I want to leave this space for who and what matters now. (:

God, my family, my friends, my work, travels, passion and the Love of my life.

Joseph Prince

He is one pastor who gets to the core of what religion truly is. Not condescension, excluding or shaming. It is encompassing. I sit through two whole hours of service without flinching. Every teaching rather than serving to influence my belief, opens up new perspectives I've never thought about.

1 John 4:17 

"As He is, so are we in this world."

These 9 words was my biggest takeaway today.

Work has been extremely hectic, with targets doubled/tripled of last year's. Too many things. Too little time. But who dropped by and left a little note?

Bernieeeeeee!

晴天。

I ain't a huge fan of Mercedes, but THIS convertible is in a different league by itself. Check out the cross too! Idea. (;

Dreams are like angels they keep bad at bay

Love is the light scaring darkness away

The reason why so much of what I've seen lately doesn't touch me anymore. Whether it is a difficult day at work or hard time at home, nothing hurts me really badly. Suddenly I realized this in the train today. All your little things that add up to me feeling like I have your constant company. It is the reason I can point a (non-literal) 3rd finger at everything else. I know I don't show it. But, what would I do without you?

More to come from Achievers Night.

For now, a meaningful toast towards Barcelona and San Diego!

Super family of mine! (;

Sometimes life or God, has unexpected ways of showing up with a plan.

 See you, Barcelona!

My anchors at work. : )

Every day life.

A Tribute.

'Twas an awesome night. To be flanked by two bestest friends - one on the right, one on my left - is such a blessing.

I'm in a vulnerable state. I will not scold you, Rolly.

If I may boldly say, the best thing that happened in years. : )

My Gratitude and Goodbye.

What I thought. Still making it count with my fave pair. =)
May not have as many chances, especially the 答波 haha. Yay!

This is also, the way to make life easier for everyone without having to hide this and that. I see no more reason to invest in a group when every time I'm around, people don't show up cause of a domino effect. I have friends who appreciate and actually want my company. I'll be happier there.

Now
finish whatever business left here → pack up → and leave.
For good.
Everything will be alright! (:

BFF2 and I wishes everyone 恭喜发财！

No matter what anyone else says my dear girl has proven herself very worthy.

♥

Happy Lunar New Year everyone.
事事顺利，身体健康，羊年行大大运！

Had a ball of fun playing 小偶。Thanks for making my day. It's quiet this year but I will have a little faith.

Fishball Face (   :B   )

Helloooo mid-day career switch

For love is as strong as death;
its jealousy unyielding as the grave. 

—Song of Solomon 8:6

It's so much easier to be loved, I realize.

Had a lot to write... but this headache is back again.

Sigh pie. Keep calm and eat 遥遥。

Happy Two Thousand and Fifteen.

GREAT people bringing me to my first llao llao

I will be taking quite a number of planes this year... one in less than 5 days. Life seems unpredictably scary nowadays.

Only put off until tomorrow what you are willing to die having left undone.

Working on it. Most importantly I want to live every day true to my family, my profession, my relationships and my soul: ilu!

“ 十个男人九个坏，一个想作怪。

如果有第十一个 一定是火星人。” 

This year I was able to splurge on Christmas gifts for my family. That made me very happy. Today... I bought the first present to myself in a long while. I decided yes, let's be nice to me. :>

Time Is Love

Fine-dining style BBQ (I didn't have to cook hehehe), red wine, and a game of Asphalt. Some rare hours of fun amid the last 10 days of running for San Francisco. :---)

Love begets love. Left this on her bed yesterday night.

Too much time was lost this year. I am recognizing the possibility that I may not achieve San Francisco after all. So far, I have managed to cut the shortfall from 29,800 to 3000 credit points. But every day is another day closer. Nevertheless I'll continue to stress myself up until 2359 on 30 Nov. :)

On a better note, here's me looking awkward on stage. 

Thank you X-Seeders!

I don't know why but my colleagues could actually take all sorts of unflattering angles in 30 seconds up there. Hahahaha. OK, wish me some magic for the remaining run!

What happens when you run in the rain

:) Ten years later Gabby Xu and I.

Coincidentally, Punkie's dream car and mine were parked side by side. What compelling vision! 

Most people aim for a Mercedes, BMW or Maserati. These days (because of my line) I sit in them a lot but somehow, I still prefer the one and only car that caught my attention from the day I decided -- I want to drive. 

ALFA ROMEO | BRERA

So few of them on the road but whenever I spot one, I fall in love even more. I'll be behind the wheel. Don't doubt!! =D

Four days ago I posted this

Blessed (press Del).

(...) having your heart broken stays with you till someone else mends it, but breaking the heart of the person you love stays with you for the rest of your life.

I've never thought about it this way.

FLY-DAYS

Upward momentum. 

YOU CAN DO IT CAROL.

Out of 10 billion people in the world, to have met just one to see as absolutely absolute, I think it's a gift. Out of 10 thousand jobs, to find one to take on as absolutely absolute it is a gift. There will be better choices. But if we search all our lives, we will for all of our life remain relatively relative. Because change is exactly what's relative.

The next time, I will give my ♡ to someone who understands this gift. I will feel safe around him. In good times or bad he thinks about me. He recognizes that life isn't that long, time is ticking and every day passed is our love gone wasted. Until all parts have been burnt... I would be his absolute. That's what I am able to give. And that's what I need.

Most of us use time to run and hide and get things to fade away. It works. After all probably no one is irreplaceable. Which is why an absolute is a gift. Using time to try for the importance of people and things that may not even last.

Hey little fellow, I'll bring you home someday. My own home. =)

We write to taste life twice: in the moment and in retrospect.

Such a beautiful perspective. :]

"It's not love to let the other person lose something precious to him or her."

To each his own. I'm just going to live life the way I think it should be. Love too. Which is brave, focused and very honest. Steer away from those non-simple ideals of others.

I have never been cheated on by my partner (choy!). I shall not say I understand 100% what being 'cheated' on feels like... but I can imagine how painful it must be. A pain I'll never want to inflict on anyone. I am in no position to pass judgement. I just want my friends to walk out with minimal damage.

No more sad songs. I've been watching this on repeat. The performance and lyrics gel SO cutely together. Exactly the way I hope my future love would be. It is how every love ought to be! =) Keyworddddddd 只想和你

他們說魔鬼藏在 每個小細節

讓我們無論如何 要小心一些

慢慢熟悉 守衛 手中握住的一切

Ah I really want a 'Mikey' Ninja Turtle soft toy now!!

x Fairy God-colleagues!

Money.

Four lessons.

For the first time ever, I saw a physically weak Daddypops. The word 'weak' and my Dad has never been friends. Voice strained from surgery... unable to feed himself but he still made jokes. Probably to lessen our worry. Till now he is in great pain.
 

I love you Pops. Speeedy recovery! =(

Trust the ‘timing’ of your life.

For the first time we hear him speak about the exact events that led up to divorce. Bits and pieces put together. My father is truly a mentally strong, resilient and kind man. Punkie said it right. There is not one bad bone in him. And as his daughter, I want to be no less than that. =)