What a pleasant dream it'll be
After an exhausting day as I'm about to crash, from out of the blue it dawns on me.
It was the day I lost my stash of money at USS. After an entire evening spent searching for it, speaking to various staff with hopes of finding it sinking into disappointment again, I should have been in an awful mood.
Sprawled across the couch while my colleagues had gone to sleep upstairs. Lights were out, which would normally creep me out. But I was waiting for something so it distracted me. You called the minute you freed up, and apologized (many times lol) for not being available when it mattered most. Little known to you, the fact you hid in the bathroom to reply my anxious messages and that I had you on the line now warmed my heart. It was all that counted.
"Sighhhhh I'm such a klutz."
It was the day I lost my stash of money at USS. After an entire evening spent searching for it, speaking to various staff with hopes of finding it sinking into disappointment again, I should have been in an awful mood.
Sprawled across the couch while my colleagues had gone to sleep upstairs. Lights were out, which would normally creep me out. But I was waiting for something so it distracted me. You called the minute you freed up, and apologized (many times lol) for not being available when it mattered most. Little known to you, the fact you hid in the bathroom to reply my anxious messages and that I had you on the line now warmed my heart. It was all that counted.
"Sighhhhh I'm such a klutz."
"No, it's a learning experience OK? I lost my passport before and it was worse. Haha."
We had an unusually long conversation. Maybe that's how I remembered it as my favourite phone call. I remember you saying *miss you baby* more than usual that night. We were mad excited about seeing each other in a couple of days. By the end of the call I had absolutely forgotten I was $4,000 poorer and would be traveling penniless for the rest of my trip. The situation didn't seem disastrous no more. I felt calm because I was to meet you. You would make things right. I didn't have to worry and yess, I took you for your word.
So as I look at your last message, it's like a nightmare to me. I wonder where did I go wrong to make you feel these things. Did I not express appreciation enough or did I simply not use the right words? I've disappointed myself terribly. Self-knowledge tells me how thankful I am for you. But if it isn't showing up for you, what good is it to know all that on my own? I wish you could think better of me.
We had an unusually long conversation. Maybe that's how I remembered it as my favourite phone call. I remember you saying *miss you baby* more than usual that night. We were mad excited about seeing each other in a couple of days. By the end of the call I had absolutely forgotten I was $4,000 poorer and would be traveling penniless for the rest of my trip. The situation didn't seem disastrous no more. I felt calm because I was to meet you. You would make things right. I didn't have to worry and yess, I took you for your word.
So as I look at your last message, it's like a nightmare to me. I wonder where did I go wrong to make you feel these things. Did I not express appreciation enough or did I simply not use the right words? I've disappointed myself terribly. Self-knowledge tells me how thankful I am for you. But if it isn't showing up for you, what good is it to know all that on my own? I wish you could think better of me.
I thought the world of you.