Focus, take another shot

 

A very lengthy post.

Just another day to myself.

Ah, awesome.

 

Hello Mr Labrador!

He stands at my waist level, teehee.

After gym today it was time for some reading.

Kinda sick of insurance/investment-related study hee.

 

I know too many girls who constantly need two, three or more simultaneous dramas playing out in their lives.

They allow them to happen.

The attention given by different boys, the chase, companionship;

basically having someone else to fall back on when the 'main one' screws up.

They juggle these relationships discreetly and build up a woman's so-called market value.

The funny thing is, these same girls are the ones who complain to me about feeling empty, directionless
and tired of dealing with the same old shit.

I put myself in their shoes and it seems to me like a diversification of options (just because we all are afraid of failure).

But personally I never did understand the logic behind settling or spending time texting/hanging out with people

you're jolly well sure wouldn't work out for nuts. Dating, is it called?

Punkie and best friends have pointed out a big change in me. I don't need love anymore.

When I used to be such a sucker for it hahah.... so much that I stayed in an unhappy relationship for four years.

I think I was really in love with the idea of love.

It isn't that I no longer need or want love now.

The number of entries here about that person probably already shows a liking quite substantial.

It's more like, there's an important person I want to focus on atm and it's either him or I'd rather be alone.

And with most people – that's exactly where the problem lies.

They find it difficult to commit their liking to just one person, if it lacks a certain promise of return.

Might sound silly to others ('putting all your eggs in one basket')

but I'm alright if my basket falls and all eggs break since that is where they should be rightfully placed.

My actions are in line with my feelings. So it's okay to pay the price.

The following extract rings true to what I believe in.

THOUGHT CATALOG | The Difference Between Being In Love And Being In Love With Love

by Brianna Wiest

(...)

When you’re really in love with someone, you want them: the good, the bad, the ugly. You come back at the end of the day. You are as accepting and nonjudgmental as you possibly can be. You don’t want to change them. You aren’t dreaming of the day when they’ll finally come into themselves or saying, oh, they look so much better when they put themselves together. You’re not scrolling to a better Facebook picture to show your friends. You’re not condescending. You don’t think their passions are a waste of time.

 

You’re not dreaming of a bright future more than you are dreaming of your next date, because being in love with someone means they make you happy right now. If you have to constantly resort to thinking about the great things that could come or dreams you’ve had that they could fulfill, you’re not in the moment with them. You’re just looking to see how they can be a role in your life.

 

When you are in love with love, you leave as soon as things start to get tough. You are waiting for the day someone becomes what you want them to be because you aren’t happy with who they are right now. And that’s another thing: sometimes people just fit into the idea of what we thought we’d want in a partner, so we think we’re in love because all the checks on the list are marked off. Don’t settle for someone who happens to have the qualities you think you’d find endearing.

Be with someone who is a cataclysmal force in your life, someone you want to work out issues with, someone you love just as they are now, someone on whom you don’t put any expectations, someone who makes you happy just because they are.


And at any point in time, there would only be one of the kind.