# 52

after each downpour i get tired.

not only does the vision blur, my mind gets blurry too.
and think "maybe giving up will end this unnecessary misery." i can return his freedom and dreams, then i can move on with my life waiting for next happiness to arrive.

yet before tomorrow comes i alr know what's gonna happen. in the morning. issues of tonight would seem to have been sucked away thoroughly all away; in the morning. i'd suddenly be motivated to keep holding on.
motivation by what i don't know. thankful for it though
because this time i really want it to last
- to stick on a lifetime.
somewhere inside i'm fully aware of my direction.
fucking hell sick of non permanent relationships
which don't last for more than a year.
yeah yeah you tell me so what if it's 3 years? or 30 years?
even marriages get torn apart more often than not, right.

still... fuck all that reality.
don't care if the world wants to see us stay or break
i've just decided to make this relationship right
because should we take another wrong way down
swear i might go worship the nunnery.
short terms wasted my time. sick of the
'very sweet-sweet-turned bland-turned sour-turned ugly'
kinda cycle.

shall endure thru' for the sake of one thing:
our coco/momo mission.
(stupid. silly. far-fetched. impossible. pointless.)
throw it in i'll be replacing pessimism with Baby's phrase:
impossible is nothing. hope hopefully so. :]

BigSis headed to Thailand today on 1oam flight later.
4D3N shopping trip. rwrah i'm gonna be superrr lonely..
superrr awaiting them to be back with truckload of prez!
full day tutorials for me 6hr frm now & i'm wide awake.
can't believe this post actually ends in an alright mood.
hahah THE POWER OF HOPE! >X

i'd be damn big-hearted and forgiving
learn to close an eye to my dislikes
remember i'm loved when i feel forgotten
not be overly sensitive to things i can be cool about;
and these should get me through...

"for I am Queen Cool."
*******

the Very Merry series of 3/4 TBG:
very merry TBG! (esp when 4/4)

# 51

Rising Sun


by DBSK!! tis' Korean boyband.. yeah boyband.
vocals + dance + HOT = talent. i likeeeee. >)

freaking hell bored, waiting for Prison Break S2 to load.
waiting for BigSis to buy home my Macs meal.
both are taking damn long luh. RWRAHHH.
school's starting. look at the pile of shit projects coming up
i just wanna find someplace to hang myself upside down.

KBox with Ivy yesterday.
met her at Jurong East for very dope ban mian...
to my horror beyond horror it was fucking ZZZ CLOSED.
and journey there took me an hr+ can.
more bloopers, we missed our last bus/train to town.
cabbed to Cine where we sang/dance/jump ard till 6am.
fun fun fun we made a FIR seow video lolol!
MY HAMBAO ROCKS. \m/
took me far far away frm emo-land last night.

now i'm missing someone.
Baby Baby Baby. =(

# 50

i've finally mastered the art of

...
...
MAHJONG !!
thanks to efficiency of Ivy, Mingyao &Guanwei,
im finally at long last a player with history of ONE WIN.
=DD hahahahah satisfaction~.
was funny like anything 'cause we betted on dice.
i freaking KEPT losing money. bankruptcy at its max.
Mingyao was pro, calm & slow-movement gambler..
Twinny was tyco kanchiong spider.
and Weiwei?!? = just a plain old cheat LOL.

my bestie the Croco. bit fierce.and Croco's self proclaimed bestie, Mr Doraemon.
you touch his tummy his eyeballs will rotate,
something like Jackpot eh?
i like this lovey dovey Mr D.

past Sunday was a big deal.

Baby's hse, went over to Woodlands for late lunch and impromptu shopping for Fathers' Day gift. bought a set of office ties, one was Spiderman-like! sweet love accompanied me while i took a long long time to choose, then he buay tahan also went searching, end up buying a CK underwear for his Dad. hahah ;)

HAPPY POPPIE'S DAY!!

met BigSis, Papa & Aunt Doreen at Lerk Thai's. gave our father a larger than life surprise. he thought we forgot, thought we weren't even gonna wish.. pranked him all the way till the last minute. lol he looked SO SAD when we first spotted him luh! T.T

dinner was great, the man's very very happy on his day.
took pix tht's ugly like shit. but all for keepsake. :)

Father to Daughter.
yea we have similar Balloon faces.

yummyyy mango glutinous rice.
perfecting dessert.

lady who planned it all.
who planned my bday07 too.

BigSis struggling with her Tom Yum Kway Teow.
complained yet couldn't stop feeding the soup into her already burning mouth. btw it's dopely delicious thats why.

back to Baby's hm, awaiting his Grand Bath to finish. -.-
after tht hand-in-hand to Cine for our own celebration.

To the lovely one:

Happy 4Fourth4 Month!!!

had greatest Anni in a long time since.
Baby brought me KBox to sing my lungs out,
though he'd run out of songs & get restless after a while.
still song after song side by side, just the 2 of us
in a freezing ktv room with blasting sound system...
i love a boy who knows how to make me happy!! :D
who doesn't? so there, {focus on Happy Lil' Moments}
tell myself and we will do. 11:22PM till 4.30AM.
"indeed you're my Romeo",
(though a one key lower Romeo). secrettt.

belated snaps of me & my mighty Superman.

won't be seeing much of Baby this last wk of hol,
but im gonna appreciate what we have! =)

today's night swimming with BigSis & Rachel.
furo bath was shiok soaked in hot water till i gt a lil giddy.
refreshing and i think i shall invest more time in sports, soon. okay post ends here.
bye world, gdnight sleep tight.







} Sweetheart, you make me wanna reach out for more of you
sometimes even though i know we can't,
tht its impossible to squeeze out tht bit of time..
i just hope you'd put me in a better place.
higher priority. know you've given your best.
but we are human, & i'm no superhuman.
i'll always ask for more.
like how you always say i've not tried my best
when i feel like i've drained every single nerve in me while trying..
because we will always ask for more.
now all i want is a happy, 2-way trusting, sweet
and lasting relationship.
we deserve more than 4. an understanding we both know.
so tht's enough to get us through. YOURS TRULY.

# 49

at hm rotting my ass away...
missing him badly
but whats left to say after tht last phone call.
not one proper message exchanged yet today,
reasons. must it be this way?

backdated pix frm last wk, TBG w/o kikiSEAH. :(
at Suki Sushi -

Yins baby, me & Deario.
(kiki ah kiki why were you at bbq!?)

lil happy clique
had much fun with them as usual.
talking over plates of sushi mounting higher &higher..
shopped ard before going off to meet Baby.
i remember a slight tiff, but all turned out fine later
besides the fact tht he dozed off during Zodiac! >(
LOL which was exciting at first but drag drag drag~
and everyone fell asleep. -.-"

"if you'll have."

Lido with Ivy to study during CT period.
thanks to BigSis, Xinghui & Shanna who came along and played funny games, tht day was quite the failure. played sketching where we'd all compete our talents.
they laughed at twinny's. they laughed at mine.
our animal drawings. which were very very hideous.
and looked more like cartoon characters.

twinny is Hambao.
Hambao is twinny.
Hambao is the new twinnys.

Shot2 she run away suddenly don't know why.
hahah my Hambao is cute deiii.

you know if love is actually predestined,
i wonder if friendship is too.

and i think i like the way mine was made to be. =)

# 48

eye infection makes me tear incessantly.
... had to skip TBG's dinner today ugh. ;(
home straight after AAA + CMA killer paper.
so yeah its HOHO Holidays!

in a grouchy mood nw though.
i wonder when my left eye will stop hurting please.
i wonder how long it'd take to catch up Prison Break S2.
i wonder why my fringe is starting to get wavvy.
& wondering if i might get kicked out of NgeeAnn soon.

slacked at canteen2 waiting for my 2nd paper.
this is what I drew, edited by Ivy.
twinnYs are now officially HAMBAOS.
she said its horrible name. hamburger face.. =X
BET she likes it too lor!
-----------

[ 30 MAY 2007 ]
BABY'S CELEBRATION YO.pizza hut - not the best ambience,

but fine companion makes up for everything...
OKAY. tht sounds fucking cheesy lol.

HAPPY SWEET 18
TO MY BURFFFDAY BOY !! :D

ps/ enjoyed the lunch we had times like those..
i hope we have more more more of them baby!
haven't wished you here, a belated one yea.

handmade card alright, mai seow seow.

'nuff said: - BLISS -

my duty as his gf to make him happy on his special day, yet i failed to be more tolerant. still i enjoyed myself and hopefully Baby did too! we rented movies, took a short nap before heading all the way to Marina arcade. the day my eye started to feel pain.
myself got a bit angsty.. am glad Baby understood. :)
we made up before he went off the next day not knowing much more arguments were coming our way...
well all's fine already, & thts what matters.

ABOVE IS MY lil BOY. ;D
NOW THIS IS THE MAN.

Pops, Papa, Popcorn, and PAAAAAAAAAAA
(drag the A when i need ca$h hahah) DAAADDY.
random pic i just think he looks very endearing.

[ OUR FERRIS WHEEL RIDE ]
headed back to Uncle Ringo's for our ride.
by luck we managed to get on despite expired tix..
despite objections frm an idiotic lady in-charge.
pps/ NOTHING CAN STOP US, YOU FRUMPY OLD NAG. >(

Woodlands at a birds' eye view. high high highhh~
not a fan of ferris wheels, tad too boring & slow.
always preferred those topsy turvy ones
spinning upside down inside out
but this particular experience, sweet.

we were last customers.
round after round i appreciated every moment spent.
every single moment, magnificent.

top of the world with you.. who cares about all else.

LOVELY BABY SMILING LIKE A LOVELY BABY.

truly, my Cinderella story scene.
not so Cinderella i am - still he's the Prince.

disheveled hair. curly wurly yes?? hahah xD

next up we are going LA for some roller-coaster fun.
saving up money. starting from what i've got now..
which is 30bucks in my bank account.
probably be taking quite forever. o_o"

[ NOTES AFFAIR @LIDO'S ]

studying for CTs. didn't get shit done though..
you know why?!! he refused to read the notes with me, kept sleeping. zzz sleeping!
while poor me look like loser with pen and many papers.

supper gets me beyond cranky.
prata & maggi goreng = fulfilling.

okay to end it off, give penny for my own thoughts.
i want to stay in NgeeAnn Poly.
thou' will not quit school or give up on my diploma.
thou' will fight hard against the accounting entries & balance sheets, calculations and formulas..
lastly thou' will pass all modules.

been lucky to have damn nice tutors.
heard of plenty fucked-ups.
like tht BLOODY old BITCH with GROSSLY RED specs
who screamed, screeched & made a fucking fuss when we reached late today. super throw face can?
not us for i don't give a flying fuck.
pity her, everyone knows she's into non-stop pms now.

i am so thankful to my tutors luh.
Sue Tan, Tan Geok Kian, Geraldine Leow, TGH.
BEST. =)

gdnight world, off to join my Baby in slumber.
promised on phone a while ago.
gonna find & hug him in his lalaland.
<3 love.

# 47

studying at Lido's with Ivy ytd. :D
catching up a lil' & i watched her mug the day away! did my CMA tuts and still have not figured out a shit ugh. common test on Thurs both my failed modules.. :/

gt bored, drew up a proposal for our outings during the 2-wks holiday. one whole list and she approved all!
wahahaha yayness. reminiscing the times we hung out together every single day. just two of us.
ps/ twinny twinny twinnY i love YOU. <3
Jietian came along he's a funny boy.. million times better than tht fucken assshole with zero points.
super glad she found happiness frm pain at last.
we always do i guess. :)
dinner at Cine i enjoyed myself holding her hands!!

-----------

hmmm plenty of pix uploaded
but will put them up later.
of recent i don't know whats wrong with me...
feeling down, like fucken sinking kinda down. esp in rls.
maybe because pple ard me have either been breaking up or dealing with problem problems.

its so unfair sometimes;
i try to refrain frm things he don't like me doing, but almost everyday i'm expected to deal with stuff that i don't feel comfortable about him doing. deal myself.
i should've gotten used to it long ago fuck yes..
still it affects the bloody same because the surroundings there will never, never ever change.
pissed him off & its pissing the hell out of my head..
god damn it my eyes are sick of being drenched
my big head's tired of bursting with thoughts,
(fucking lousy thoughts)
and myself, i'd god damn enough of this helplessness.
he's done his best and to me, much as he won't take this - i really tried to understand and ignore.
all i can do to distract myself. to lie to myself thats its okay its fine, ive done. much as i have i cannot do.
constantly reminded of what i dislike.

no blame no anger. i'm just feeling like as though my grasp on this roller-coaster ride is getting loose, slipping away and yet no one's there to hold me tight and firmly tell me do not let go. to tell me i'm still needed, to make me feel important as i was since the first day. someone to tell me that our ride have not changed.

no, no one's there.
passion overrides everything.
anything....... anyone.