# 263

I see the harshness in their eyes,
eating up all trace of reliance I was born to feel, made very vulnerable to.

The emotion called happiness - Its seeping away,

crack by crack through everyday's wear and tear.

I am still able to pull my lips upward into a smile now,

count the days when that isn't possible. Soon.

Other than fate who can I kill to make this misery go away.

Can't touch fate. Can't touch the one who gave birth to me.

I grew up in a turbulent childhood flagged with chaos;

but at the very least sprinkled with innocence, warmth, sometimes love. 

Current me lives a life of angst, hate and disorientation.
Yes disorientation.

 
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Attending a ball with Pee in a few hours....

Its his night and I should be more joyous than this.

Don't have a formal gown to look pretty in.
All the girls will be dressed in their best.

I dread such social events.
You'd have to make small talk, appear demure to match the occasion,
basically a "sit-&-smile" night.
Then again I'll be able to witness Baby in his moment of glory.
Worth it.
Wish me luck for the evening ahead.