I do not deserve whatever niceness, sacrifices and patience that comes with — or without conditions.

 

Finally. To ride out anytime, anywhere. Whenever I need an escape.

 

Decision.

 

For too many reasons I shouldn't, and cannot leave these people.

Friendships I can fully trust, people who genuinely care,

people who make me curl into balls of laughter every day.
I wouldn't mind eating breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper with them.

I realized it's not about how long you have been acquainted. Quality counts.

Certain friends I've considered myself close to over years cannot even compare.

 

But time has proven I need to step out of this circle.

 

Every moment I am still here becomes a sad reminder/remainder of what we are.

Even when you're not physically around.

The mention of your name weighs fifty kilograms.

It's funny how no one notices something that feels like explosion inside.

 

Change. Happens in life and it is not the biggest deal.

Somehow though I am not logical when it comes to you.

 

I tried hard to prove your importance to me.

Not for anything more. Just for that bare minimal we once were.

I started conversations (stupid aimless ones), I replaced my nervewrecking emotions with confidence,

yeah I've not done much -- but I have indeed put myself out there very plainly.

Either it doesn't matter at all, or you're refusing to see it.
Any way is fine.
Because right from the start, every move to keep you close has backfired or been misinterpreted.

You're a super duper good person, and even though I can't say I know everything about you,

I believe in that person I grew to like over time, over spaces, over circumstances.

I won't let anyone tell me who is worth it and/or who isn't.

I'm glad it is someone like you that affected me this much.

 

I know you'll be happiest when everyone is together, trouble-free, enjoying simple fun.

I wanted so badly to give you that. What normal I could do, I really did.


But I must finally take some better advice.
I can't be there with them, with you, and expect to one day stop feeling the way I do.

All-visual post. Some happy birthday shots.
Bleeh my head looks very big. :(

A life without any form of love, is no life at all.
To all the relationships worth celebrating. :)
 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO.... UH ME ☺!!

 

You can't kind of love a person and they can't sort of love you.

This is propped up against my desk wall. 

Thank you to you, you and you. ♥

I was awkward. They said my face flushed red aaah.

I didn't know where to stand nor what sort of expression to give. 

Been a long time since I last blew the candles off a mega cake...

 

or even be part of a reunion dinner made up of laughter and good food.

(OMG the salted egg prawns are super nom nom worthy!!)

Complete with awesome friends.

One of the best bunch (literally, think banana) of people I have met in life.

Strangely embarrassing - to steal 30 seconds of each and everyone's time to sing us our song. 

I hope I didn't appear too unemotional/stoned.
Because deep down, I truly appreciate the little things I've gotten to feel in this big family. 

I'm just bad at expressing myself in a social setting.

So, thank you to you, you and you. ♥

Spent a whole two hours at the gym earlier. 

45 minutes on my favorite elliptical machine, 40 minutes on the treadmill, leftover time for toning and weights.
Stretched my limits so that I'll feel tired (by now), and just fall into a damn deep sleep. 

Already 2AM. Nope.

I'm feeling tired lately. Maybe it's the quarter century crisis I don't know.

Masks