This year I was able to splurge on Christmas gifts for my family. That made me very happy. Today... I bought the first present to myself in a long while. I decided yes, let's be nice to me. :>

Time Is Love

Fine-dining style BBQ (I didn't have to cook hehehe), red wine, and a game of Asphalt. Some rare hours of fun amid the last 10 days of running for San Francisco. :---)

Love begets love. Left this on her bed yesterday night.

Too much time was lost this year. I am recognizing the possibility that I may not achieve San Francisco after all. So far, I have managed to cut the shortfall from 29,800 to 3000 credit points. But every day is another day closer. Nevertheless I'll continue to stress myself up until 2359 on 30 Nov. :)

On a better note, here's me looking awkward on stage. 

Thank you X-Seeders!

I don't know why but my colleagues could actually take all sorts of unflattering angles in 30 seconds up there. Hahahaha. OK, wish me some magic for the remaining run!

What happens when you run in the rain

:) Ten years later Gabby Xu and I.

Coincidentally, Punkie's dream car and mine were parked side by side. What compelling vision! 

Most people aim for a Mercedes, BMW or Maserati. These days (because of my line) I sit in them a lot but somehow, I still prefer the one and only car that caught my attention from the day I decided -- I want to drive. 

ALFA ROMEO | BRERA

So few of them on the road but whenever I spot one, I fall in love even more. I'll be behind the wheel. Don't doubt!! =D

Four days ago I posted this

Blessed (press Del).

(...) having your heart broken stays with you till someone else mends it, but breaking the heart of the person you love stays with you for the rest of your life.

I've never thought about it this way.

FLY-DAYS

Upward momentum. 

YOU CAN DO IT CAROL.

Out of 10 billion people in the world, to have met just one to see as absolutely absolute, I think it's a gift. Out of 10 thousand jobs, to find one to take on as absolutely absolute it is a gift. There will be better choices. But if we search all our lives, we will for all of our life remain relatively relative. Because change is exactly what's relative.

The next time, I will give my ♡ to someone who understands this gift. I will feel safe around him. In good times or bad he thinks about me. He recognizes that life isn't that long, time is ticking and every day passed is our love gone wasted. Until all parts have been burnt... I would be his absolute. That's what I am able to give. And that's what I need.

Most of us use time to run and hide and get things to fade away. It works. After all probably no one is irreplaceable. Which is why an absolute is a gift. Using time to try for the importance of people and things that may not even last.

Hey little fellow, I'll bring you home someday. My own home. =)

We write to taste life twice: in the moment and in retrospect.

Such a beautiful perspective. :]

"It's not love to let the other person lose something precious to him or her."

To each his own. I'm just going to live life the way I think it should be. Love too. Which is brave, focused and very honest. Steer away from those non-simple ideals of others.

I have never been cheated on by my partner (choy!). I shall not say I understand 100% what being 'cheated' on feels like... but I can imagine how painful it must be. A pain I'll never want to inflict on anyone. I am in no position to pass judgement. I just want my friends to walk out with minimal damage.

No more sad songs. I've been watching this on repeat. The performance and lyrics gel SO cutely together. Exactly the way I hope my future love would be. It is how every love ought to be! =) Keyworddddddd 只想和你

他們說魔鬼藏在 每個小細節

讓我們無論如何 要小心一些

慢慢熟悉 守衛 手中握住的一切

Ah I really want a 'Mikey' Ninja Turtle soft toy now!!

x Fairy God-colleagues!

Money.

Four lessons.

For the first time ever, I saw a physically weak Daddypops. The word 'weak' and my Dad has never been friends. Voice strained from surgery... unable to feed himself but he still made jokes. Probably to lessen our worry. Till now he is in great pain.
 

I love you Pops. Speeedy recovery! =(

Trust the ‘timing’ of your life.

For the first time we hear him speak about the exact events that led up to divorce. Bits and pieces put together. My father is truly a mentally strong, resilient and kind man. Punkie said it right. There is not one bad bone in him. And as his daughter, I want to be no less than that. =)

I am going to be happy. Not cause anything good happened. In fact the opposite. But there are dear ones now who needs my happy presence. I want to give them what's real, unpretended. The person I love most in this world is also in a bad spot. She doesn't show it (of course the strongest human) but I know she hurts inside. I will detach myself from 'me' for the time being, to go lend them something real. My happiness.

 

B FOR BERNICE

YESSSSS I am going to Disneyland! <:B

ILY 小光。

After two months of working 7 days a week, being sick has its perks. To spend time with my elephants means more time in bed!

加油。

That's how you know you love someone,
when you cannot experience anything
without wishing the other person was there to see it, too.

Some nights.

"You're gonna lose people in your life. No matter how much time you spent with them or how much you appreciate them and told them so, it will never seem like it was enough."

 

You must have known. Whether you didn't feel the same way or just never believed, one thing's for sure. I never changed my mind. I always put you first. And you bet against me every time.

HAHAHAHAHHA what the shit 2007.

Finally I get to see youuuuu Meelop!

Ten cases to submit. Ten thousand things to write about. But waking at 9AM to climb up and down ten million staircases, traveling all over the island today, I shall take a breather here.

Solitude is where I'm free

Time and thoughts belong to only me

Happy Mother's Day!

The most fulfilling part of my job.

Wednesday blues

Malacca the bakery.

Yay let's stamp up by 2019.

 

I am convinced nobody's passport looks perfect hahah so it's OK. Pretty excited about this last minute trip. We have never driven into Malaysia and further at night. A couple of hours on the road. I'm hoping we find our way there safely without getting lost. I need some time away from everything. Work although fulfilling... has been chaotic and exhausting. We shall come home looking a little more human. Haha.

AND there is one thing to feel extremely gleeful about. I'll unveil it soon. (;

Happy holiday!

Why I Hate Religion, But Love Jesus

My heart it races and my mind cannot catch up

It lives in two places it runs through doors that should be shut

 

We'd live with the animals, we'd play by the fire

 

Or I could stay right here and watch you from behind

Wave till your ship's left my harbour

 

 

Burnout from 08:00-23:00 days.

But I need a lot, a lot of money so all's good.

I wish myself a dreamless night.

(._.)

Good Friday +

The Weekend.

In Happier Times.

What we assume or think-we-know are only results of our insecurities. It would be nice if everyone could act from their hearts. The world will be an easier and less complicated place to live in. When worry and fear has been removed, what are we humans left with? Truth. And more importantly, acceptance of others' truth.

 

But the world will never be an easy place to live in.

 

We won't embrace our own truth, or we are extremely afraid of others' truth. What people don't realize is that truth resolves everything. Anger can turn into understanding, even rejection into respect. Truth turns worry into comfort. It turns fear into imagination.

 

Just a little teabreak thought. Truth is all I've got.

Not the best picture but definitely two of the best people.

Welcome home Fooey. ( :

7.

what you will eventually come or return to at the end of the day. Watch for where your heart continually returns, and do this before you are physically and literally away from someone. Because at that point, it could be too late.

Things to consider before you leave them.

To the most important person in my life.

Good morning, my thoughts. 

Everything I see in you is different. It's better.

That is all I know.

Happy pills

S-T-S

Happy Birthday Part (III)

It was two days of... partial hell. Like my whole body wasn't mine I was in a constant state of drowsiness. My computer and I were bedridden. But apart from the fever burning out my brain or one pea HAA HA, I needed this break. Besides sleeping 12-hours straight I watched Korean drama.

NC16

The person who loves you cares for your happiness.

No matter how hard it is going to be — caring for your happiness first.

Love is not a because, it's a no matter what.

 

I had to agree. And this meant I was alone.

Happy Birthday Part (II)

Happy Birthday Part (I)

Checking into Space

Sleeping is the best meditation.

I'm on my way.

HAHAHAHA!

 

Didn't buy new clothes nor do up my nails this year. We're not visiting much anyway so I decided to save money. Heee I really think my Daddy is a joke, that's why I've added one from our reunion dinner. Tons of Insta/Facebook 热闹 posts as usual but I'm contented. It was a blissful night for me. (:

 

Here's to everyone I love and care about.

 

May you all have 15 days of eat FAT FAT and laugh BIG BIG.

 新年快乐，幸福安康！！

Ethan is my new boyfriend.

In some cases things that really, really hurt are the right things to do.

Just this once more.

 

Winkles, Lennie, Dumbo, Ah Kun and Tuffy sunbathing after a little shower.
 

 

They need to ring in the new year too!!

 

HAHAHAHAHA bedtime besties rock.

Live GREAT.

 Yay my little corner in her room

Today's Read more is a special message to: IVY ZHONG XINYU

How crazy is crazy?

My body is sounding all alarms.

No damn idea how I'd survive this trip but there's no turning back.

I dread the thought of bunking in with.. strangers. Let's stay positive.

Bye for now!

Patience in one word.

Favorite couple.

Xmas 2013
 

"Your soulmate is the person who forces your soul to grow the most.
Not all growth feels good." – Rabbi Ari

This would be the last. And it will be a blast. :)

I would wait, if it takes you forever. "I'm not telling you it is going to be easy, it's going to be worth it." Day after day, my feelings reminded me. But waiting for someone and clinging on to nothing at all is very different. Happy Countdown everyone!

To not feel sad for we used to love and laugh together. In that enclosed space, she was however quite far away. It's hard to feel complete without the essence of long-time friendship.
 

:*)

To not feel so strongly when you're close by. It's hard, almost suffocating how actions and heart do not align. I can do no more than fall back or match up with your pace.

Everything is hard. But don't be mistaken, Christmas has been good. I will write about Christmas and all the happiness! It's not that difficult to smile. We just need to concentrate on the moment. The wandering thoughts about what-used-to-be, what-might-be, and how-you-would-like-it-to-be, let them haunt us at night.

We take the best that others can give. We are content.

Dumbfounded.

TV for thought.

 

GE Life.

HOME ALONE NIGHT #13. GRATITUDE.

To have complete freedom to write but also to easily remove an entry that is insignificant or 'unhealthy' on hindsight. Some entries will come and go. Speak LESS BAD and think MORE GOOD about people. Either way it comes back to you. :) That's what I thought today. The best part of keeping auhclorac.blogspot.sg since 2006. This space belongs to me. In the end these archives are made up of people, emotions and memories I deem worthy to look back on in future. Good or bad, we are growing every day.

“So if you wake up one morning and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it.”
 

We either want it, or we don't want it. There is no in-between.

To each her own although I cannot understand the things people suggest.

 

"See now you're left with nothing!!"

 

The 'something' here according to them, refers to the attention given by potential suitors. I must admit this much: Indeed it is a nice feeling to be chased. To be showered with gifts from time to time, to receive them as surprises, to have your wants and opinions prioritized by someone. It is a privilege to be treated exceptionally well and being aware of that brings about a nice feeling. But it stops there -- it stops at nice.

 

This is not that warm fuzzy feeling you'll want to keep for long. This is not from the person who makes you feel different. This is not 'something' we should allow to go on just so that we may continue to bask in all of their attention... because then it would be a scam. Not just to the party giving with no obvious return, but also a scam to ourselves.

 

There is absolutely no reason to feel bitter or jealous when this person eventually moves on from us. In all honesty I know I will be genuinely happy for him. We did not or could not accept, not at that point in time, not now. We make our own decisions and we must let others make their fair choices. Yet keeping this 'unwanted' attention is somehow of significance to a lot of women these days. I don't know. Is there some psychological explanation? Maybe it is the subconscious need to verify one's self-worth with attention given by the opposite sex? I will never be able to understand. I am insecure in some ways (hahahaha shit so honest for what) but am I glad I never valued myself based on how many men I could string into texting me at once. It is quite a dreadful form of narcissism, in my opinion. It is more important to make ourselves clear. We can still try to become a good friend to people whom matter. If it works out platonically that would be the best outcome. And if it doesn't, well at least we tried.

It takes time. After some time we know. We will either want it and chase/wait for it. Or we don't want it and let it go. That's all. This is not a football game. There is no reserve.

 

 

Home Alone Night #2 GOODNIGHT.

 √  Quality time with her.

 

♫♪

As sure as the stones that slow your feet down

As sure as the circles turning you round

Always the peace that never got found

Any second now

 

All of the time you thought you got close

How hard it is to love those old ghosts

You get the least but you give up the most

Any second now

 

Nearly morning :)

Should I be anticipating or dreading 3rd December?

It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.

 

Found

OVER, AND DONE WITH.

(Post contains 1000000 words)

 

2010 with Grandma =)

 

Every time I catch sight of beloved Grand-Aunt's photo by my desk I am reminded how unpredictable life can be.

To never assume that time stretches for anyone of us, till we get down to doing certain things. Time doesn't.

Note to self: Visit Grandma with Punkie soon.

by Grace Dorman

I couldn't have felt more touched this morning, eh 感动啦 ! In spite of the situations that caused me to derail from work for a crucial 3 months, they softly let me be. Opportunity, 1-1 coachings, motivation what not. I had them all. And this morning............... :) Truly grateful. I'm glad I did not choose to disappoint.

It was silly, to let my mind be preoccupied by things and people I cannot change.

Mondays are blue but new.

 

We keep waiting for that perfect moment while all the right ones pass us by.

 

 

Okay okay. Less emotions, let's forward to practical talk.

 

Sunday's appointment

I will not deny the temptation of a solid $3,000 added into my bank account every month.

The temptation of no longer having to Google Map on public transport day after day.

It is now that I realize how BIG our 'tiny' red dot actually is.

I will not deny how tempting it is: the idea of retreating back into my comfort zone.

No rejection slip. No last-minute cancellations of scheduled meetings. No need to sell my time freely.

How nice to sit and rock in an office chair, finish up repetitive tasks and go to bed without worries. Right?

 

But....

 

There are too many people I cannot afford to let down. My director, mentors and colleagues who helped me thus far.

The friends who trusted me unconditionally and bought their policies from a newbie like me.

They never questioned/doubted how long I'd stay here. They simply trusted me as an individual.

Daddypops who disagreed till the end of the world but ultimately said 'okay go break-a-bone' haha.

Punkie who pushes me to pursue not just what's good, but what challenges me to be my best.

Even these awesome clients that have given me (a complete stranger) a chance to prove myself.

My closest friends who always lend support during bad unfulfilling days at work.
 

It's too early in the game to quit. I know they will love me whatever my choice.

But I guess I shall pass up the safer opportunity this time. Continue on my little BIG venture, adventure.
Yay for Carol !!!!!!! ;•D

Today, I missed another opportunity to catch Insidious: Chapter 2.

I decided to back out again. I don't know what is wrong with me.

It's just a movie and there's no need to be unnecessarily selective of the company.

Somehow though... I cringe at the thought of one-on-one 'dates' now.

I hate the idea of having to watch my manners like crunching on popcorn softly
(not because I want to impress the other party but rather a form of courtesy).

My job requires me to meet strangers on an almost daily basis. I have to think on my feet, strike up conversations.

So where's the big deal in accepting an invitation from a friend right?

Well if it's one friend you haven't met in a long while, an ex-colleague or an acquaintance,
some conscious effort must be made to fill the silence. And I would do so in order to earn a decent paycheck.

But when it cuts into my personal time and space, then surely nope.

I want to watch movies with people I like and whom I feel entirely comfortable with.

Is this a newly-developed OCD of mine? Haha.

I never did the 'dating' thing. There is no in-between for me.

But at the very least I bothered to hangout with random friends.
Am I transforming into a hermit crab with age? Shiit.

 

At the moment if I'm out with the opposite sex (alone) you can probably be sure we're best of buddies.

Either that or someone I superbly like. Enough to risk an awkward experience.

Or..... MY CLIENT. HAHAHAHA.

'Without sounding pessimistic, I learned that I do not believe in marriage.

I believe in a commitment you make in your heart.
There's no paper that will make you stay.

People should get married at the end of the road, not the beginning.'

—Diane Kruger

Somewhat true.

FIRST ELEPHANT SHOW☺

BAHAHHAHAHA isn't Punkie cute?!!
As you can tell she couldn't understand my excitement over 大象小象，but accompanied me all the same.

Star Cruiseeeeeeeee = eat and play and eat somemore. My kinda thing.

I must go back to Twitter.
I tend to take advantage of this endless space to unleash my depressive states.

(Okay nope depressive is too strong a word.)

Was scrolling through my rusty Twitter page yesterday.

I really like how all the emotions are either bite-sizes or hidden in some subtle quotes. 

Over here hmmmm, the posts are 'maniac' in the sense that it is like... vomit from the heart.

Hahahaha. I am looking forward to a happier me soon.

I see a worn-out stranger in the mirror now and I want to be beautiful again.
 

But I wrote about you from the start, so I will keep writing about you till the end.

On a totally random note guess who's second in line.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

after Fiji? Heeeheehe
 

VITTEL !

Happy Birthday to my Daddypops. I love him a lot.  :•)
He deserves everything in his life now. The freedom, the joys, the comfort and of course the bliss.

As always I wish for him the most important of all - great health. 

I wish myself a mighty amount of perseverance too, so that I may never let him down.

Basically he just wants to see me happy and financially independent.
Pictures soon.

:)

 

《　好心好报　》
 

THINGS

I will no longer wait for a special person to do these things with me.

There are reasons why people don't step into our world to understand the things we love.

It could be plain disinterest or perhaps the waste of time.

I for one, quite enjoy watching him engrossed in the things he love.

It could be a particular hobby, some stubborn mindset. An animal. It could be his career.

The way he takes pride in these things and even that arrogance as he finally does well in it. :>

There's just something remotely interesting.

I've always liked the idea -- the ideal of that special person fulfilling 'my' things with me.

Simply because it will be fun. There will be laughter.

I wanted someone who would sing and listen to me sing (the more off-key the better),

someone who falls while trying to skate, someone for me to chase after on a bicycle,
someone who lets me draw him a thousand things, someone to experience thrilling stuffs together,

someone to get terrified with at the movies, someone who would stay close to me as I dance at the club,

someone who laughs at my red face after a glass of beer and gets drunk ultimately,

someone I'm able to share both heavy and light-hearted conversations with.

Someone who allows me to cheat at my ego-game of basketball.

Someone who may one day bring me to the little white whale because I think it is cuter than ugly.

For all these little favorites of mine, I was willing to be that person's company for 'his' list of things.

I have never been anxious to find this Someone.

Yet as I am typing now... it becomes clear why I had always wanted him around.

 

But after all this time, it appears the special someone doesn't exist, after all.

These things can be done very well alone.
I will no longer wait for this person to join me.

I am starting to like my job. The sense of purpose in what I'm doing is slowly getting to me.

It is very welcome at a time like this.

I hope to tire myself till the point where physical fatigue overwhelms all else.

My director and mentors are great people.

I've good friends in the industry whom motivate me by working together (though we belong to different companies).

Just before my dear Natty left for UK... she texted me this advice: 老娘跟你拼了！！

Uh, apparently she repeats that to herself on bad days. Hahaha I shall try it at my next roadshow.

 

Clydey's first encouragement

 

Indeed I have plenty to be thankful for. I need to quit being such a sob story.

Focus pocus Carol.

^^

ไม่มีอะไรที่เป็นไปไม่ได้อยู่กับฉัน

When the soul lies down in that grass,

the world is too full to talk about.

Ideas, language, even the phrase "each other" doesn't make any sense.

 

 

There are no ideas, no language. There is no conflict.

I will meet you there.

Right now I just want to be there. Relief that comes with watching the Bali sunset.

I don't want to be here.

To J

 

Keeping fit isn't just about the vanity.
At least to me, it is (more) importantly a test of endurance and mental toughness.

Said hello to a neighbor at the gym earlier....

THOUGHT CATALOG | 14 Ways You Know It's Love — Real Love
by Brianna Wiest
 

1. You feel compelled to be loyal.

 

2. You think of ways you will love them more than you think of the ways you hope they will love you.

 

3. You start compromising on things you thought you wouldn’t.

 

4. You’re happy when they are, because they are.

 

5. There is a sense of peace and ease that comes with the thought of them.

 

6. You feel challenged to be better.

 

7. You allow yourself to be vulnerable because you feel accepted unconditionally.

 

8. All of a sudden, you understand why so many people settle down.

 

9. You have a newfound understanding of and appreciation for your previously detrimental failed attempts at 'love'.

 

10. Every part of this person enamors you.

 

11. You keep coming back, no matter how hard it gets (and it will get hard).

 

12. You start counting the miles between you and the days between your birthdays. You remember what they were wearing the day you met them, what they said their favorite color is, and you start accounting for all the other little, beautiful things you’ve picked up about them, all in vivid detail.

 

13. You want to tell anybody who will listen of your newfound love (you’re not ashamed to be with this person).

 

14. Being with them is not about the vanity of having a significant other or an elaborate wedding or someone to talk to when you’re lonely. It’s who they are that keeps you.


There you have it, answer to the million-dollar question. :•)

"Next time you look back, I really think you should look again. "

Friday's reflection (I)

Considering the amount of dilemma in between and past months of bad condition,

I come out of the hall every time, thanking my lucky stars for every pass.

Thankful I need not waste money or additional time to retake the papers.

To the people who have encouraged me
despite knowing the person I am and the requirements of this career as being quite ill-fitting.... thank you!

Hahaha I have since decided:

There is nothing to fear in the unknown except your own mind.

 

Yep being an agent is no doubt out of my comfort zone.

Sometimes though, I think we gotta attempt that littlest possibility in order to learn what we're worth.

 

It's scary but there are too many opportunities for personal growth (in the sense of becoming a better/braver me)!

I am actually looking forward. :)

[edit]
I will be responsible for my own feelings.
I will exit at my own pace.