The Way I Am.
When it's someone I love, gender roles never come to mind. There ain't such thing as 'he's the man so he pays for the meals, you're traveling to him it is only right he pays, he should always initiate things FIRST or he must give in in an argument' etc. Nope. When able to, I reach for my purse all the time, I handle the arrangements, I restart conversations and I apologize when it isn't necessarily my mistake.
In a nutshell, I never sit on my ass waiting for a man to perform.
And for this I've been chided or strongly disagreed upon by fellow women (usually older with more experience in life). I am shown DUH responses quite often as I ask questions off my own benchmark. "Of course he pays every time. I'm not asking for branded stuff like other women very good already." "Why should I make peace first? You siao ah haha. 好男人就该迁就女人。"
I am told (gently) the way I am will allow men to set a lower bar and shirk their responsibilities in a relationship. That they may grow comfortable with giving less in the long run.
So yup I have wondered at times. Could it be because I don't love myself enough? Or that I'm willing to be a doormat for love? Probably that's what it seems to the outside world.
But the way I see it, men and women have very equal parts to play in order to keep a relationship going. Financially, emotionally and even the physical intimacy between them. I believe regardless of what the other party brings to the table, I should never dwindle into a lousier version of me. And really, I love myself enough to stay true to this person that I am. It's OK if the gratification of being woman is lost along the way, ego is compromised and values are thrown out the window. I try to find a middle ground. I don't wait for a man to deliver on the expectation that he is a man.
Instead... I work on a deadline when it comes to love. The day I instinctively know my heart runs dry is when I lose the will to involve the person in my feelings. There's no longer a need to explain, or clarify intents because for thus long, I've reached out from my conscience. If nothing else, he should know better. The day I know I'm helpless against a state of things is when it's clear that everything has gone completely unappreciated, unnoticed and unreciprocated.
It could take months, even years for the end to arrive but this is just the way I am.
In a nutshell, I never sit on my ass waiting for a man to perform.
And for this I've been chided or strongly disagreed upon by fellow women (usually older with more experience in life). I am shown DUH responses quite often as I ask questions off my own benchmark. "Of course he pays every time. I'm not asking for branded stuff like other women very good already." "Why should I make peace first? You siao ah haha. 好男人就该迁就女人。"
I am told (gently) the way I am will allow men to set a lower bar and shirk their responsibilities in a relationship. That they may grow comfortable with giving less in the long run.
So yup I have wondered at times. Could it be because I don't love myself enough? Or that I'm willing to be a doormat for love? Probably that's what it seems to the outside world.
But the way I see it, men and women have very equal parts to play in order to keep a relationship going. Financially, emotionally and even the physical intimacy between them. I believe regardless of what the other party brings to the table, I should never dwindle into a lousier version of me. And really, I love myself enough to stay true to this person that I am. It's OK if the gratification of being woman is lost along the way, ego is compromised and values are thrown out the window. I try to find a middle ground. I don't wait for a man to deliver on the expectation that he is a man.
Instead... I work on a deadline when it comes to love. The day I instinctively know my heart runs dry is when I lose the will to involve the person in my feelings. There's no longer a need to explain, or clarify intents because for thus long, I've reached out from my conscience. If nothing else, he should know better. The day I know I'm helpless against a state of things is when it's clear that everything has gone completely unappreciated, unnoticed and unreciprocated.
It could take months, even years for the end to arrive but this is just the way I am.