# 201

because humans.
they like to wag tongues, point fingers
based on hearsay.

so when peace is broken
i fight first to defend my stand
i want people to believe me,
i need them to hear the story.
i need them to hear my part of the story.
because i am faultless.....
or am i really?

this time round, i keep silence
woes upon myself late into the night.
i don't want to share with anyone
i don't need friends to back me up
or say things to make me feel better.

loneliness is my best company.
it is not disruptive and it lets me think.
of course, it is also not of much help at all
even though i threaten to drown
under the weight of my wet pillow.
it lets me cry-dry my tears-cry-dry my tears
repeatedly,
until those puffy eyes fall asleep.

i've said my piece to the one that matters.
i will deal with the rest on my own.

# 200

i wish i could go back in time
when my face was fucking skinnier,
and my hair was thick as Goldilock's...
keyword: was

are these rapid signs of aging?
i hate twenty.

before i update with visuals
i must change my template.
starting to learn that
one should never center his/her life
around anyone.
not a single human being
can truly promise to keep a promise.

goodnight
be patient.
words are boring,
pretty ladies to feed you all soon.
hahaha

# 199

getting bored of the "Neglected" song?
shall give you all Wild Horses then. ;D

i am looking forward to December 19.
freedom & i can lounge my days till Christmas!!
though TLL colleagues will be greatly missed.
(at least those i regularly lunch with)

work is just plain mundane but because of them
work seems more amusing than it actually is. like today,
one RM made Jael & me literally laugh out loud.

you see, my job deals with difficult parents manysometimes.

-
(Joanna finished call with parent.)

Joanna to D: "Eh parents aren't that bad what.
All those I've spoken to are usually very nice."

D: "Wah biang you haven't meet only.
You wait... you wait ah. Wait till you see and hear."

Joanna with disbelieving face:
"No leh, where got? I've rarely spoken to any really angry ones..."

D (sniggers to himself and interrupts)
"You haven't met Indians. Those Indians you know?
They talk in dose aaaccent, dhat you kentnot even hlear wart dey conplaining"

(Jael and I laugh)

D then pointed to another RM at her desk:
"You see Jacq Lau, know why she taake kupp smohkin or nort?
Becuse of dhat one Ingdian mhan I tael ya!...%$#@!#$%
She cum here and tart smohkin"

D still grumbling with agitated gestures,
Jael and I LOL!

accent was damn classic.
hey don't roll your eyes,
i've just described joke-of-the-day
in best way possible
although i think you are not laughing.

either you have a bad sense of humor
or you just weren't there when it happened.
too bhad! hahahahahaha
i shall go sleep with my mouth open.

World Peace.
back for updates again

# 198

Quitting - to get my life back.

i am twenty, not too old
yet not young enough to waste away time.
what i really aspire to do in future...
(is definitely not slouching in an office chair 5 days a week)
seems too unreachable.

still the only thing i can picture myself enjoying,
is somewhere along the depths of music.

how long will it take for me to climb up there?
to have a keyboard as my lover
to recognize & tell tunes apart just by listening
to form lyrics like a god damn pro
to sing, mind you, not anything big,
but even singing in a pub to a small crowd
and receive genuine applauds because they feel.

-

anyways, dropped by this sad space
for lovely Girlfriends:
Jolyn 17 November and Fel 22 November,
HAAAAAPPY BIRTHDAY
MY SWEETS!! :D
i had awesome happiness yesterday
just seeing you all after such a #$@!!% long time.
playing pool, shouting the birthday song
while both blew candles and made silly wishes.
bet it was a memorable night especially
with your special ones beside.
love 3X (Rowell too!)

# 197

Cherish.
you know peanuts about the word.

# 196

haven't been writing in a long time.
long, long.... caterpillar long time.
damn busy with my saigang job
and well off-days are of course
reserved for me to live a life.

alright i don't actually hate work
at least lunch hours are enjoyable
with favorite colleagues Joanna & Stella. (:
but that bloody mountain of documents,
staring at the computer 8 hours straight
is enough for me to contemplate quitting soon.
we shall see how things go.

anyway i just had a msn conversation -

C: HUH??
C: you didnt invite me lahhhhhhhh
M: i ADDED YOU!
M: check properly
C: nopeee
C: nothing when i came online
M: i added you last week my dear
C: MEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU
C: whats the add?
M: michelle.c@live.com.sg
C: LIVE.COM.SG?!
C: omg
C: iits you ah
C: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
C: I DELETED
C: BLOCKED ALSO
M: WTF
M: hahahahaa
C: wtf!!!!
C: .LIVE.COM.SG
C: like some porno maniac
C: 'cause i kena before haha
C: SOME SICK SHIT ADDED ME
M: bo bian
M: IM NOT SOME SICK SHIT OK
C: i thought is friend i accept
C: then he went like, "Feeling kinky tonight?"
M: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
M: WTF
M: its MICHELLE.C

C: yah michelle.c sounds like some lesbian
M: ...
M: WTH!!!! hahhahaa
M: lesbian meh!!!
C: michelle.c@live.com.sg
C: WAH LAU
C: NOT MEH??!!!
C: as long as got the live
C: i would have deleted
C: damn ambiguous
M: YOU BLOCK ME ALR
M: HOW YOU ADD ME BACK
C: WAHAHA
C: I ADD BACK
M: carol chua i hate you!
M: hahaahaha
M: you block me
M: im gonna soak my pillow w tears tonight
C: cfm michelle.c@live.com.sg right?

M: YES, YOUR DOOR TO LESBIAN PORN
LMAO! ;)

happenings up tomorrow,
Halloween at Boat Quays' this year
i am spinning from alcohol now.
byebyebye

# 195

我很爱唱歌
我讨厌工作
我想念自由
我需要减肥

# 194

now that i've got a f/t job at TLL
Weekends seem more sacred than ever.
busy-tired-busy-tired.

after graduation was infinite Holidays for me
but officially stepping out in formal wear...
figured its a tedious human cycle i cannot avoid
no matter how long i try and procrastinate.
thank God my new found workplace isn't too bad.

still i'm never going to stop believing
that there's an ideal job for me somewhere out there
- meaning to really enjoy what i do,
look forward every morning with eagerness
and not be literally draggging my feet to the office
just for money. because we need money.

you know i detest competition
among friends, in a relationship, colleagues, strangers
whatever whatever.
so i wouldn't be motivated to excel over others.
yes damn seriously, i want to own a job i love.

-

theres hardly any time to blog
even though i have my share of visuals
and awesome dates apart from work.
Girlfriends' update soon!

lastly i don't fancy flowers much
i think they're better appropriate in the wild or roadside
than wrapped up in some decorated bouquet.
but but but Lilover!
the following dedicated to you. tee hawwwww
to prove my favorite one is superbly BEAUTIFUL
and not ugly (??!?) as you claim it to be.....











i googled like you did, and TADAAAH!!
beauty of the Hibiscus family.

# 193

If these walls could talk, Baby
What would they say?
They've been a witness to all of the pain
I gave you everything I had to give
Now I'm so empty cause you had your fill
You took the life from my face

The more you try to tell me that you changed
The more I feel neglected
If this is how you try to make it up to me
Then let's just end it
I don't like this feeling anymore
I don't like this feeling 'cause whenever I'm around you Boy
I know that I won't be respected,
Just neglected

All that I wanted was you by my side
But you walked in front of me all of the while
And all that I ever did was good enough
Well thank you Baby 'cause you made me tough
Now I can go on my way
On my way

The more you try to tell me that you changed
The more I feel neglected
If this is how you try to make it up to me
Then let's just end it
I don't like this feeling anymore
I don't like this feeling 'cause whenever I'm around you Boy
I know that I won't be respected,
Just neglected

I never saw it coming
I should have kept on running
Instead I was there by your side
Believing all of your lies

How could you neglect me
Straight up disrespect me
How could you neglect my love

# 192

i delayed writing because of

Absolute Boyfriend the J-drama.

know i'm quite slow to complete this
but first caught it when episodes were undone...
lazy to check back until a few days ago.
weird aye, i prefer Soshi to the Robot!

another mix entry
of visuals from August September.
not that recent either HAHA!

trimmed my waist-length hair after a long time,
salons always give you false hope...
day after and the volume is all gone! :(


at 925 Yishun coffee shop
had Fish noodles with added milk.
YUMMMY! :O

with my Lilover

Yishun is central for Baby and I
so we frequent even the arcade there

for cheap $1 thrills like basketball machines
and i swear their brand name is HOTSHOT lol!

Burger King + Basketball + Movie = Perfect Date.
hahahahaaha all in one place. (:


for a period of time
we also stayed home to challenge

Chinese Chess, rofl
whereby i won Baby once out of numerous times.


we enjoyed good food at Chomp Chomp
i remember being very hungry that night,

i think my cholesterol is bloody high
with the eggs and prawns i MUST consume every day.
i am going to blame a lot of it on Baby though,
since he does not eat the oysters in our oyster omelette
and therefore they all enter my stomach in the end.


17 August 2008
was 18 Months of Love
at Changing Appetites Marina Square.
it was an awesome celebration,
a lovely ANNI-DAY with Baby :D

pity the only shot i took that evening is
of my superb Salmon-Bacon Wrap dish! damn
go go go try it you Salmon lovers!


two-thirds of Lilover's off days are spent like this:












heads squashed into tight-fitting helmets.

Rounding Rounding,
we became involved somewhere in August.
here's captures from one of the earlier sessions.

Fel and Mine.
you know, upon further observation
woaah this is such an artistic shot!
it seemingly depicts a very lonely shadow
against two other person's feet -
a couple standing close together.
quite sad right? i ve amazing analytical skills!

my constant night Girlfriend. hee

never before,
Snow White riding her sports bike.
with her 7-in-1 Dwarf as pillion HAHA!

we indulge in fat ass suppers,
we explore scary hangouts,
we chit chat about whatever till dawn,
we play pool and we have windswept hair,
we share the amount of mosquito damages
and and much more together.
love you Felicia! ♥

Baby bought me a pouch for mp3,
a significance one...
it looks like my lil elephant Tuffy!
so i had to take a picture of comparison,
DAMM CUTE LOH. :D

# 191

i am having severe hair loss, i think

any kind souls please offer suggestions
thank you.

preferably the above.
i want Volume. :(

* * *

met up at long last with TBG today!
shopping followed by supper at Spize's.
oh my, am i solitary or whattt
never knew such a yummy hangout existed.
price is reasonable & food is above The Prata House
in my opinion,
maggie goreng pataya was damn good.
:O

Borders after.
all the BEST for your exams Darlings!


yet today
some things made me super down.
Green-Purple Elephant is gone,
the one and only unique toy imported...
my Green-Purple Elephant
missing from its usual shelve.

no more addition to the lil family.

Nights.

# 190

Saturday 21/6

as you can see, a June backdate.
since it happened like 3 months ago
i'll post just visuals to input that day's happenings.

Pops fetched us to Yishun
for my Aunty5's house-warming party.

while waiting at Baby's block.
(i forgot my precious butterfly clip
so please forgive any flat hair-do.)

his favorite habit.

i was damn delighted to find a








KTV room,
along with wireless microphones for our singing leisure!!
though its not exactly KBOX or Partyworld
but but but nothing to complain about man.

had buffet dinner home-cooked,
all i clearly remember is BigSis gorging herself silly.
no joke we were done with our second rounds
and she kept going to refill her empty plate
with sorts of food, soups, desserts, salads what not!
Chelly, Baby&I stood around watching her eat...

tsk tsk tsk

she couldn't get enough of, Coleslaw HAHAHA!
think 3 4 portions of it.

thereafter inside the cozy room
we sang songs, talked cock & cam-clicked a lot.

my cousin Joanna's pride - adorable Zenden.
he is ultra handsome for a little boy!

Chelly Number 1.
hopefully when she goes Aussie next year
we won't ever drift apart with time. :)

will miss your company Darling.
DON'T GO LAHHHHH. ;D

notice an extra pop-up in two of the photos?
thats no junk, thats my Lilover.
my Lilover trying to be funny hee. :D

-

on a side note,
singing at Artchemist has been canceled
for weeks now due to Superband2. :(

here's the latest episode of
大风吹-当我们宅一块/林宥嘉 背影

rendition of 背影 is superbly nice i feel.
i am proud of Hideaki-Bassist and Liyi-Keyboard
as my teachers. they are passionate, hilarious people,
most importantly very Talented musicians. :)



watch in high quality at Youtube.
happy their band got into the grand finals!
okay more recent updates very soon,
no more Junes and Julys hahahahaha.

# 189

life's been quite alright.

officially graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic.
apart from job hunting and random dates with Girlfriends,
Baby's rare off-days are spent with him on rounding trips
whereby Supper is always the kick, i indulge in yummy food!

zillionsssss of backdates to write about
though i am lazy to blog these days.
edited the template, changed the reds away
hoping it might motivate.

here's visuals from July
a Sunday at Pops apt for swimming.

pretty sky aye?!
spotted the white dash of line.

damn chui every time i go out with my so-called family
confident they love me exactly the way i am!
cannot be bothered to dress or make up blah, anddd
Baby's RDS cap is savior on such days lol.

MRT



more recent shots of us
Prawning at Pasir Ris Park.

i was ineffective for hours,
until the Uncle actually gave me a Fish bait instead
to help me break my zero record HAHAAH!!
& less than 5 minutes i got my very first Prawn! :O

Lilover and I.

altogether feasting on freshly BBQ-ed prawns.
tasted a bit raw to me. gonna bring marinating sauce in future.
prawnnnnns - i enjoy them but not their cholesterol. :(


gotta prep for the Weekend already.
have fun friends!

# 188

if you detest vulgarities you should stop here.
this entry is heated, i am Fucking angry now
and won't bother to do the *s or f- sort of things.
spell it all out


its funny because i don't feel guilty not one bit
screaming at my Mother or even hurling words.
she is FLYING CRAZY, PARANOID, DOUBLE STANDARDS
and hell R-I-D-I-C-U-L-O-U-S beyond imagination.

you screwed me up badly,
living with you
i can come home skipping happy
yet in in five fucking minutes
you can make me feel like i had the worst day of my life
again. and again and again a cycle repeats.
its taking a toll on me

then i can come home from a setback, tired,
in need of quiet peace to rejuvenate my senses.
but you know what???!
YOU CAN NEVER GIVE ME, OR ANYONE PEACE.
peace is a term so foreign to you
are fucking quarrels the air you breathe i wonder?

i try & understand the plight you're in, loneliness
loneliness is able to drive a person mad.
after these years it seems the only lesson you reflected
is Nothing. pushing the blame to 3 of us against poor you...
WELL, FOR FUCK? CAN YOU TELL ME FOR FUCK?
YOU WERE HIS WIFE AND YOU ARE MY MOTHER.

every time you fuck me up i try and tolerate your nonsense.
a drop of water on the basin, a fucking strand of hair i missed,
you fuck me up > how a prisoner gets fucked up in his cell.

for my shoes, bags and clothes that are not significant in amount.
i know!!! goat dammit i know how much is A LOT -
MY FRIENDS HAVE A LOT OF SHOES, BAGS AND CLOTHES.
what are their Mothers going to do? KILL THEM?!!
I RARELY EVEN SHOP FOR FUCKS' SAKE.

when i am at war with you
through the door
i wish i am fucking stronger, like BigSis
so i can go face to face with your bloody demons.
i lose control of myself and i remember what Dad says
to ignore; i cannot & the tolerance i used to have is gone.
somewhere in them they recognize its never possible
but its the best advice they can give.
rage overwhelms me
as it has caught them countless of times in the past.

your deluded memory.
i used to believe your accusations but it sickens me today.
you are a selfless Mother i won't deny that.
your obsession though, your fucking extreme obsession
brought all your efforts down to point zero.
your voice a loud roaring thunder
going on & on & on & on & on & on & on &&& on
like a buzzing bee on for hours.
your moods fucking unpredictable,
i am your punching bag for whenever, whatever.



they hated living with you.
no fucking body has a single idea
what it is like, living with you
& ALONE. a 1-on-1 battle
i am always bound to lose.
i need to rent a room fast
said it before haven't done it
yeah to hell that i got no ability to.
i will find a way to fucking Break-Free soon.

God help me, help me to get a grip.
help me to tune a music when she starts.

# 187

backdated visuals, July?!

but never mind HAHA
moreeeee to come still.

since i have some free time today
i shall write a little on,

HIP HOPPIN' SERIES
a random afternoon long ago
Baby and I got terribly bored after lunch,
so then we decided to play.... dress-up.
already in the usual XXL tees which explains why.

he made me pose this way and that,
i willingly allowed myself to be Baby's amusement.
laugh my ass off here's a few dumb shots:

wah laooo my leg damn short please,
tilt a bit can only see the feet lol.
sharks man! >:|


enough of the mouth-twitching stunts.
I THINK THE FOLLOWING SUITS ME BETTER!

hurhurhur - mildly retard.

hmmmm i really miss times like these.
when we had the whole day ahead of us
free to laze and run around the house.
especially yummy lunch downstairs,

板面板面板面!:(

-

GROCERY BUYING I L♥VE
hideous captures of me but whateverr~
i am in quite an awesome mood!
teehawhaw :D

Baby's face damn plastic, aka advert for phone!
HAHAHAHA SUPERBLY CANDID.

holding your hands skipping down
lanes of canned food and potato chips etc.,
thats the best best feeling on Earth
knowing we're all set for a lovely home day!

Lilover you make me alienate from town
- all its pretty clothings and fancy shoes...
yet somehow along the way i've realized that nothing,
not even the most exciting shopping spree
beats waltzing down Shop N Save with you. (:

-


Goodnight World
before Ivy the Honey skins me alive
for being late again tomorrow!