Grand-Aunt 22 January | Chinese New Year
Growing up February was always close to my heart.
Yea birthday, bustle of CNY celebrations, Valentines..
I remember it because there was a lot of love to go around for everyone.
At least it used to be the case. I no longer have a favorite month.
My birthday is just another day, I hardly look forward to it but that's okay.
I think birthdays are more significant to young children or the elderly.
My problem lies with Chinese New Year.
Any excitement for the festive occasion has gradually died down over time.
We have been cut off majorly, from relatives of both sides.
I don't know. There seem to be lesser and lesser places to visit each year.
There is no extended or even a real family reunion dinner.
And this year.... there is honestly, dread.
Visiting Grand-Aunt's was probably the only highlight left for me. The place that felt most like home.
Always swarming with people (although distant relatives) we were at least part of a big family.
I am reminded that today marks Grand-Aunt's first death anniversary.
When I enter the house this year I will not find her in the kitchen or seated at the long couch.
It will never feel the same without her presence. I am expecting Mom to shorten our visit.
So I will be home by predictably 3PM on the first day, lying on my bed scrolling through CNY uploads of huge-ass family bonding sessions, colorful fancy outfits, delectable feasts. I'd wonder in amusement when friends complain of having louhei 5, 6 times already because I haven't had mine. Haha. They would be excitedly taking photos. Everyone would be in good spirits. I will have a share in that sort of happiness, I just wouldn't have it firsthand.
We used to need more than three days to complete visiting with Pops having 12 siblings, Mom 4.
We are done within hours now.
I dread that feeling of missing out.
I dread that feeling of missing out.
I dread being bombarded by all the joyful evidence of genuine CNY celebrations.
I have decided to ban myself from social media starting from the eve.
Oh noo does this sound like a sudden burst of negativity? It isn't.
I do not dislike Chinese New Year la hee, I know it brings a lot a lot of people together.
I guess I shall look forward to annoying Punkie with my monster appetite!!
In spite of it all I'm thankful we have each other in whatever circumstances. (:
Okay expectations properly managed. Goodnight.
Okay expectations properly managed. Goodnight.
