Away.
I had some time alone, away from social media, away from a buzzing phone.
And I am feeling better (ironic considering my physical health).
Here's the executive summary.
I spent the past seven months, being fond of one specific individual.
I didn't entertain 9-5 texts (yknow the constant messaging kinda shet) anymore.
It all suddenly didn't make any sense. It was time-consuming, and wasting.
I completely lost interest in friendly/serious/semi-serious 1 to 1 dates.
Apart from catching up with Dec & the clique when he visited from UK,
I haven't stepped foot into any club this year.
The changes came partly from being self-sufficient, motivation to study
and now that I think about it, the subconscious liking for this one person.
As long as he was around, whether he did everything or nothing I felt a strange kind of glad.
Gradually... as you can tell from many (quite cheesy) recent entries,
my happiness, or lackof, revolved around the fragments of time spent with him.
It is until today, a weird relationship we had/have and I still am clueless.
The one thing that ultimately became clear to me - I genuinely liked him.
He affected my emotions like no one else.
I wasn't sure why, wasn't sure how and when it started.
Factor in complications and you get one big question mark.
I knew from the start he's not ideally someone to fall for.
What I've heard about his relationships with girls blabla....
neither is he an open-book type, easy person to understand.
So it has never crossed my mind to be anything more than friends.
I just liked it that he was around. When we were close, I felt a strange kind of happy.
I'll admit part of me wished I had become a little more visible in his world.
Somehow though, there is a certain cold shoulder I get from time to time.
I could be thinking too much. I don't know.
The letting go of almost. It gets unbearable.
Given my not-so-fantastic memory
Given my not-so-fantastic memory
I seem to be able to remember every nitty gritty when it comes to him.
The good especially, always seemed so impeccable.
You don't stop liking a person just like that. I'll start by taking small steps.
*
*
Addiction is the hallmark of every infatuation.
Soon you start craving that intense attention, with a hungry obsession of any junkie.
When the drug is withheld, you promptly turn sick, crazy, and depleted.
You're a pathetic mess, unrecognizable even to your own eyes. So that's it.
You have now reached infatuation's final destination. Congratulations.
Taken off Gary's facebook....
Some people mistake infatuation for love.
Some people mistake love for infatuation.
To love someone with all your heart is scary.
It takes a brave soul to disregard fear, pain and hardship to reach happiness.
For in surrendering do we truly understand the beauty of love.
And this was Taufiq's comment to his post.
And this was Taufiq's comment to his post.
Why do I have wise old men as my classmates? Hahahaha.
It rubs salt into the wound but salt heals it quicker. Right?
Okay off to the docs.
Feeling so fucking horrible I'm surprised I can type.
The desperation to write away sadness. It is possible you know.
Throat nose head stomach killing me slowly.
I alternate between coughing and puking fuck.
Okay off to the docs.
Feeling so fucking horrible I'm surprised I can type.
The desperation to write away sadness. It is possible you know.
Throat nose head stomach killing me slowly.
I alternate between coughing and puking fuck.
