Noting that we have moved on from 2011, I've decided to write about
the one thing that has changed most drastically over the last year.
Which usually doubles up as your biggest learning lesson.
For me, health.
First half of '11: partying, sleepless nights, booze and more booze.
Late August: payback.
After weeks of frustration over an itchy patch on my then-clear skin,
dry irritated eyes was the symptom that got me in utter panic.
Casual allergy? Contact dermatitis? Eczema!?
All that bulk of information I read could qualify me as a skin doctor.
You know eventually I had figured it on my own... pretty sure but I hoped my friends were right.
That I might be thinking too much. I might be scaring myself.
Unfortunately nope.
Here comes the million-dollar question:
I could possibly, not necessarily (how consoling), at Stage 4 go blind.
Rosacea isn't that common in Singapore.
It mostly strikes Caucasians but if you are fair-skinned and prone to flushing, stay away from alcohol!
I wish there was someone to warn me beforehand, although we don't usually give a fuck till its too late.
True story.
As with all rosacea patients, in the beginning I went through the psychosocial effects of depression,
slight, and more evidently-- withdrawal.
It was immensely uncomfortable especially on days my eyes hurt.
I'd start to panic because the fear of losing sight has become a real threat.
I didn't feel like doing anything. Even the online world and my friends lost their appeal.
Sleep was truly the only escape.
Some of the 100,001 triggers ZZZZZ.
I exercise though, hello how to survive without exercise?!
Oh oh and I meditate religiously twice a day. For real.
Need to control my anxiety with Monstermom hahaha.
Apparently many famous celebs are rosacea-sufferers.
I suppose this is how moderate rosacea looks like with makeup, under some form of control.
Not gonna freak yall out with raw pictures (welll there's Google).
2011 is behind us. Going to be very frank here.
Ashamed to even mention this but I will since it was part of what I went through.
Of course I'd never really give up. Still, I entertained such thoughts... uhuh.
It is disheartening to realize this greatly affects your life with no recovery to look forward to.
And lets admit it, any likelihood of going blind scares THE SHIT out of us.
Nights were extremely long. Why me. Why now?
I had just regained my enthusiasm for relationships and school.
"There is no reason my dear... it's like.. a destiny."
At that point in time I couldn't tell if the doctor was trying to crack a joke. Destiny.
On hindsight, I see that he meant for me to embrace this.
And then I grew tired of the tears. It wasn't helping.
LOVE IS B.I.G.
Thanks to my family and close friends' endless words of encouragement.
The genuine, supportive ones willing to put themselves in my shoes.
I couldn't have emerged stronger without your love.
Theres more, you know who you are. :^D
LOVE IS B.I.G.
I am proud to announce my renewed faith.
It is through praying night after night that I find courage to resist whatever negative emotions.
Because I acknowledge His healing abilities I am not defenceless against any illness.
Someone reminded me this might very well be God's plan of curbing my unhealthy ways.
Everything happens for a reason. We see the bad but we don't recognize the worst.
In fact I take pride in my current lifestyle.
My diet consists of mainly healthfoods and I sleep early! Haha or at least bluff in bed before 12.
I am also quite resolute in staying alcohol-free.
Its actually okay to lay off the drinks since music works like drugs for me..
and there is entertainment in staying sober at a party. :b
This condition has altered my perspective in many ways.
In our world today, personality seems to be underrated
but when all is uncovered what lies beneath is so fucking important.
Many of the problems we inflict on ourselves every day are superfluous.
Dear friends who have not heard from me, this post is for you.
Thank you for your messages and sorry to cause worry.
I dare not say I'll not falter again somewhere along the way, as human as can be,
at least you know I am coming to terms. Taking antibiotics hehe.
I believe I'll get better. I feel better already.
Miracles are real aren't they. (;
#nowplaying Adele_ Turning Tables
Our physicality is a given.
Most of us hardly think about it but there are circumstances that could suddenly rob us of this gift.
Have you ever wondered who would never think less of you in spite of anything?
Unlikely doesn't mean never. Cliché, the only constant in life is change.
This condition has altered my perspective in many ways.
In our world today, personality seems to be underrated
but when all is uncovered what lies beneath is so fucking important.
Many of the problems we inflict on ourselves every day are superfluous.
Dear friends who have not heard from me, this post is for you.
Thank you for your messages and sorry to cause worry.
I dare not say I'll not falter again somewhere along the way, as human as can be,
at least you know I am coming to terms. Taking antibiotics hehe.
I believe I'll get better. I feel better already.
Miracles are real aren't they. (;
#nowplaying Adele_ Turning Tables
So I won't let you close enough to hurt me
