# 284

Many days like today will make a day with no return.

I should stop expecting her to act as a mother.

All the unnecessary disappointment and pain.

Been years, yet the root of problem is too simple.

Every huge fight I curse. I swear. I hate.

These emotions are so intense I believe it is permanent.

After some time though, I am looking at her again through eyes of a daughter to mother.

I tread fucking carefully in my own house.

Even when I have become tolerant towards her nonsense and mastered the art of ignoring....
Why is it still so dam difficult to keep peace?

Pops and BigSis have probably forgiven her. Definitely not forget.

I'll never be able to enjoy a mother's unconditional love no matter how I envy others or hope for change.
What am I waiting for?

BigSis said it didn't hurt anymore the day she gave up expecting her to behave like one.
I just need-to-let-go.

Me. I find it impossible to ever forgive.

Bad karma maybe. Afterall she brought us up.

But few can understand the extremity of losing a feeling called 'guilt'.
I've tried my best to fix things.

Lucky for us AD came into our lives.

What started out as a slightly awkward relationship gradually developed into an endearing family count.

She's genuinely concerned about our well-being
and from the small quiet gestures done for us/my daddy,

there's nothing more heartwarming than her presence.

Once after a heated argument w Pops,
reached home to receive an sms explaining on behalf of my Dad,

reminding me that despite harsh words he loves me a lot

and letting me know I can come to her whenever, for whatever.

Mega sweet. Almost mommy to me. (*:
Thank God.