Nearly half a year of disappearance, but I will be writing again.

:>

All Or Nothing

 

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize

It's over, over

It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older older

 

You know I'd fight for you
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you

Now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

 

Cause I want it all or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom

It's now or never

 

Is it all or are we just friends
Is this how it ends

With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

 

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you in memories
I feel it in my heart

But I don't show it, show it

And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right I know it know it

 

Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you

Now I want the best of you
It's time to show and tell

 

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life

 

They don't make songs like that anymore, but it's a song like that I'm feeling tonight, where's my Rei of light.

ROTD: 7 Brutal Truths About Loving An Aquarius

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Picked by 3 of my closest friends I must admit this is pretty damn close. ‘Forget her birthday, however, and she’ll quickly forget you.’ Hahahaha

The Way I Am.

 

When it's someone I love, gender roles never come to mind. There ain't such thing as 'he's the man so he pays for the meals, you're traveling to him it is only right he pays, he should always initiate things FIRST or he must give in in an argument' etc. Nope. When able to, I reach for my purse all the time, I handle the arrangements, I restart conversations and I apologize when it isn't necessarily my mistake.

In a nutshell, I never sit on my ass waiting for a man to perform.

And for this I've been chided or strongly disagreed upon by fellow women (usually older with more experience in life). I am shown DUH responses quite often as I ask questions off my own benchmark. "Of course he pays every time. I'm not asking for branded stuff like other women very good already." "Why should I make peace first? You siao ah haha. 好男人就该迁就女人。"

I am told (gently) the way I am will allow men to set a lower bar and shirk their responsibilities in a relationship. That they may grow comfortable with giving less in the long run.

So yup I have wondered at times. Could it be because I don't love myself enough? Or that I'm willing to be a doormat for love? Probably that's what it seems to the outside world.

But the way I see it, men and women have very equal parts to play in order to keep a relationship going. Financially, emotionally and even the physical intimacy between them. I believe regardless of what the other party brings to the table, I should never dwindle into a lousier version of me. And really, I love myself enough to stay true to this person that I am. It's OK if the gratification of being woman is lost along the way, ego is compromised and values are thrown out the window. I try to find a middle ground. I don't wait for a man to deliver on the expectation that he is a man.

Instead... I work on a deadline when it comes to love. The day I instinctively know my heart runs dry is when I lose the will to involve the person in my feelings. There's no longer a need to explain, or clarify intents because for thus long, I've reached out from my conscience. If nothing else, he should know better. The day I know I'm helpless against a state of things is when it's clear that everything has gone completely unappreciated, unnoticed and unreciprocated.

It could take months, even years for the end to arrive but this is just the way I am.

Exploited.

Picturesque accounts on IG are growing by the millions. I agree. No doubt it's a great thing to be exposed to talent like that. But naked selfies lying in bed wearing nothing but underwear? Repetitive close ups or cleavage baring shots? That's not art.

 

More an act of vanity, 100s of pictures posing against a backdrop of nature (not to say making people help do so) isn't quite the same as being outdoorsy.

 

Outdoorsy is someone who won't entertain such thoughts. Instead of leaving an impression online, he or she spends that time offline experiencing those moments in reality. A picture or two's legit (self-love is so important) but every other day? That doesn't translate to a luxurious life but a narcissistic type which by the way, is under the realm of personality disorders.

It amuses me how IG users take to adding ghost accounts to increase followers. The point of having 1000+ followers but only 25 reckons on your photo? Don't see it.

And some habitually use public platforms to their advantage. You know the ones posting ambiguous quotes (seemingly wise) but damn well meant to sully the people who failed them. Or along the lines of

#janeisstrong #bettertolosethantoneverlove
#smilenomatterwhat #confidence

Like no, that's just awkward for everyone?

Of course. This is an opinion. Social media has allowed lots of us to fulfil our need for validation and attention. But as it becomes increasingly present, I think it's good to recognize it is no longer simply a way to connect people - period. It hinges on the edges of obsession when exploited.
 

A media analyst commented this, ‘How tasteful an online persona is, is directly proportional to that of how tasteful his or her personality in real life would be. If we are discerning enough.’

Buying into social media as a cohesive generation, what we are impressed by and agree on is very telling of our tastes. At UWA, I covered a report on social media psychology and scored my first A! Wish I could do it again hahaha. Social networks have evolved so much now. It is equally encouraging and disheartening.

Spend more on relations, less on impression.

A person who loves you, remembers you.
It actually is truly that simple. (:

What does it tell me?

ROTD: Read Of The Day

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Not a fan of TC but surprisingly I read this thrice. Thank you.

I felt a gaping hole of sadness, yet also somewhat relief, that I have loved hard enough to lose now. I think I'm ready to lose. Cheerio carol :)

ROTD: Read Of The Day

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Great men go unappreciated too. The world is an oyster but no we can't have it all. Love your one special lot.

One night, of uncontrollable tearing. Every time I thought of your return... was only to prove a bigger fool today.

I only hope whatever he does, before he does, he would always have me in mind. Every crossroad now, his feelings come first and I need someone who considers that.

Be great for me love.

I didn't need an experiment to know I loved you.

Be What You Need To Find What You Deserve

You want someone petite, and sexy.

It would be great if she was sporty too.

You want a pretty woman. Oh how nice if she was also cute.

You want someone who dresses well,

but she's got to stand out in the crowd for her individuality.

You want someone intelligent but not too serious.

You crave for in-depth connection as much as you need the fun.

You want someone who will cook.

You think it's somebody who can provide for a family.

She stays home and watches movies in bed with you.

But she's not that 'popular' promiscuous girl at parties.
She could be... why isn't she?

You appreciate a woman for having values and opinions.

Wow, to have character, an attitude unparalleled.

But you start to resent her for expressing some of those.

You need someone who is intensely loyal, passionate in love.

She's got to be kind and generous. Gotta love you for you.

You don't want someone materialistic and shallow.

Bottom line you say, you want a woman genuine inside out.

Body, mind and soul.

Really?

But truth remains that no human is authentically perfect.

We can try to be, we can use riches to get closer to it. 

The thing is, while always wanting more in others, we have also stopped giving. We don't actually deserve anything at all.

Definitely not the best of both worlds.

I could be seated with a great-looking, successful fella (ain't got nothing but $$$$$) but by the end of conversation, I would most definitely roll him into my mental trash-bag titled WARPED. They may heap praises, but how a man speaks about his current partner and all these higher expectations, beneath the niceties he's still a really warped human being.

I agree this industry changes some people, because truth be told, we become the people we associate most with. But for now the experiences have only made me more discerning.

Superficial girls love men they can show off to the world. Sensible girls know that no prestige compares to one man's devotion of his world to her.

He let me be one of first to know. Something so personal, though I haven't always been there for him. At a loss what I can do. But this man is strong and determined, always has been. He would fight this the same. We don't share a God but I'll be praying to mine. May there be light soon.

 

I always believe that a relationship can only work out when both parties contribute to it and move towards a consistent, common goal. Despite the many differences, we make new chapters in a shared life by creating our own similarities.

 

Those who value each other stay connected no matter how.

 

In this day & age anyone with money can become beautiful and desirable. The world is idealistic, a tad unrealistic and always greedy for more. In this day & age, genuine love rarely comes by. What should be shown through actions are things people might speak of but not practice at all.

 

So be with the person who appreciates your very being (your loyalty, kindness, happiness and pains) so that when everything has come to pass and beauty is LITERALLY but in the eye of the beholder, he will be the proudest man to still have you by his side. :]

 

Cherish the one who sees inside of you.

Carelessly, we hurt the people we love. That's alright. But to leave them to their own devices at the first sign of difficulty is knowingly doing it. If something I did hurts the one I love, I stay present & offer solace, at the expense of pride or need for correctness. If you ask me it isn't problems that define a relationship. It is the methods that decide what's worthwhile.

Daddy's words, “Every day is Valentine's Day when you are there for someone.” Thought it was cheesy but man it makes sense now.

A quick Thank Youuuuuuuu

I am not interested in a lame ‘love competition’. Or so you call it. Since you're so certain you can win him over, good for you. What I don't get is saying you would feel bad then. Don't be dramatic. The men I find worth loving have never been those swept away. Enjoy playing your cards girl.

新年快乐 is here! As usual, I'm not particularly stoked about the occasion but I'm all ready for new beginnings

 

& nails!

 

Moving forward, I no longer want to waste time fighting with people whom I do love. Whatever truth will always come to light. Meanwhile I want to be the best version of myself. I find no point now in picking out things, creating a mess and at the end of the day, human beings whom care about each other hurt one another. Nope, it's not the same as turning a blind eye. It is accepting that God will fill the gaps. So that what is meant-to-be shows up eventually. Workwise too, I'm excited to move out of domestic and into the business marketplace. Wish me lots of luck!

 

In case I don't write before Day 1 here's to my friends:

Happy Lunar New Year everybody

心想事成， 身体永远健康！！