A Fraction of Fiction

2012-02-17T04:15:00.002+08:00

I left you out inside my heart
How easily this could be the start

And rip my life apart

Like a bowerbird collecting blue

See me gather words to let you know

"It's hard to let this go"

But I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

You still make me cry

Like a song of the east

That loses its centre, but always finds its way back home

Oh how this bird has flown

So I'm making up my mind

Gonna rescue myself tonight

Yeah I'm making up my mind

I'll forget you in time

I am leaving you

You are leaving me

We've sung our song

And we chose to roll on

Although this love never fades, it's time

To forget the road we never traveled along

2012-02-12T23:57:00.010+08:00

Coming to terms.

Noting that we have moved on from 2011, I've decided to write about

the one thing that has changed most drastically over the last year.

Which usually doubles up as your biggest learning lesson.

For me, health.

First half of '11: partying, sleepless nights, booze and more booze.

Late August: payback.

After weeks of frustration over an itchy patch on my then-clear skin,

dry irritated eyes was the symptom that got me in utter panic.

Casual allergy? Contact dermatitis? Eczema!?

All that bulk of information I read could qualify me as a skin doctor.

You know eventually I had figured it on my own... pretty sure but I hoped my friends were right.

That I might be thinking too much. I might be scaring myself.

Unfortunately nope.

Here comes the million-dollar question:

I could possibly, not necessarily (how consoling), at Stage 4 go blind.

Rosacea isn't that common in Singapore.

It mostly strikes Caucasians but if you are fair-skinned and prone to flushing, stay away from alcohol!

I wish there was someone to warn me beforehand, although we don't usually give a fuck till its too late.

True story.

As with all rosacea patients, in the beginning I went through the psychosocial effects of depression,

slight, and more evidently-- withdrawal.

It was immensely uncomfortable especially on days my eyes hurt.

I'd start to panic because the fear of losing sight has become a real threat.

I didn't feel like doing anything. Even the online world and my friends lost their appeal.

Sleep was truly the only escape.

Some of the 100,001 triggers ZZZZZ.

I exercise though, hello how to survive without exercise?!

Oh oh and I meditate religiously twice a day. For real.

Need to control my anxiety with Monstermom hahaha.

Apparently many famous celebs are rosacea-sufferers.

I suppose this is how moderate rosacea looks like with makeup, under some form of control.

Not gonna freak yall out with raw pictures (welll there's Google).

2011 is behind us. Going to be very frank here.

Ashamed to even mention this but I will since it was part of what I went through.

Of course I'd never really give up. Still, I entertained such thoughts... uhuh.

It is disheartening to realize this greatly affects your life with no recovery to look forward to.

And lets admit it, any likelihood of going blind scares THE SHIT out of us.

Nights were extremely long. Why me. Why now?

I had just regained my enthusiasm for relationships and school.

"There is no reason my dear... it's like.. a destiny."

At that point in time I couldn't tell if the doctor was trying to crack a joke. Destiny.

On hindsight, I see that he meant for me to embrace this.

And then I grew tired of the tears. It wasn't helping.

LOVE IS B.I.G.

Thanks to my family and close friends' endless words of encouragement.

The genuine, supportive ones willing to put themselves in my shoes.

I couldn't have emerged stronger without your love.

Theres more, you know who you are. :^D

LOVE IS B.I.G.

I am proud to announce my renewed faith.

It is through praying night after night that I find courage to resist whatever negative emotions.

Because I acknowledge His healing abilities I am not defenceless against any illness.

Someone reminded me this might very well be God's plan of curbing my unhealthy ways.

Everything happens for a reason. We see the bad but we don't recognize the worst.

In fact I take pride in my current lifestyle.

My diet consists of mainly healthfoods and I sleep early! Haha or at least bluff in bed before 12.

I am also quite resolute in staying alcohol-free.

Its actually okay to lay off the drinks since music works like drugs for me..

and there is entertainment in staying sober at a party. :b

Our physicality is a given.

Most of us hardly think about it but there are circumstances that could suddenly rob us of this gift.

Have you ever wondered who would never think less of you in spite of anything?

Unlikely doesn't mean never. Cliché, the only constant in life is change.

This condition has altered my perspective in many ways.
In our world today, personality seems to be underrated
but when all is uncovered what lies beneath is so fucking important.
Many of the problems we inflict on ourselves every day are superfluous.

Dear friends who have not heard from me, this post is for you.
Thank you for your messages and sorry to cause worry.
I dare not say I'll not falter again somewhere along the way, as human as can be,
at least you know I am coming to terms. Taking antibiotics hehe.
I believe I'll get better. I feel better already.
Miracles are real aren't they. (;

#nowplaying Adele_ Turning Tables

So I won't let you close enough to hurt me

2012-01-21T15:11:00.003+08:00

You're trying so hard to speak it pains me.

See you later 老Mm.

I will have no eyeliner on this time.

2012-01-17T18:32:00.002+08:00

So I've decided to stay on Blogger, has served me well since 2006.

Yes Sir! Blue is the way to go. For now at least.

It is supposedly my lucky color. We shall see heh.

2012-01-16T17:30:00.014+08:00

We were very excited to shop at Changi City Point though a little skeptical at first.

Its new, I like that you don't have to butt-knock with frenzy CNY shoppers.

You guys should check out that place sometime.

Mega buy from G2000!

Wish there was a better picture. Iphone has its limitations.

Should I jump on the Tumblr bandwagon?
But this space is where all my memories are stacked.
So maybe I'll just edit the template... starting to look too yellow.
Random entry yeah you know the serious part always comes after some rambling. ;b

2011-12-31T17:25:00.016+08:00

Hahaha aw too cute
.
.
.

Thats why 500 Days of Summer will always be my favorite movie.

HAPP(Y) MERR(Y) 2012 TO ALL!

What are you doing New Year's Eve?

2011-12-21T14:15:00.001+08:00

Disappointment is an understatement.

2011-12-17T10:56:00.001+08:00

Why am I so distracted??????!

:..\

Two days to submission, 3000-word essay untouched.

2500-word essay stuck at half.

If I were to complete in time I must be a genius!

Hahaha still can come here type type.

Theres still a TRUCKFUL of albums that hasn't seen the light of day.

Feb 2011 is ridiculously overdue.

Goodness gracious.

...

"GG"

2011-12-04T23:32:00.014+08:00

One of the best weekends in a long while.

Times like these you know you can only count on family.

To breakaway from whatever disguise put on for the outside world,
to crumble and just be yourself--be afraid, flustered, be gloomy even....
not needing to struggle against the blues.
They will understand. If they can't, they accept you in spite of it all.

Although usually a big joker to us Daddypops isn't a person good with affection.
But lately I see that he has made my problem his problem.
He's starting to listen, instead of just providing solutions.
Digging through a colorful archive of life stories
he's like a careful doctor injecting positivity into every part of my being.
I see how far he'd go. I see how much he wants me to lose that frown.

During our early morning walk at Botanic Gardens
pacing step by step he said this:

"Everyone's darkest hour lasts no longer than 60 minutes.

We live with what we get."

Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeyay my HERO, or 师奶杀手

Very handsome now right?!!! *beams*

As of today I haven't found it in me to express xo freely
(Pops hinted the other time he'd appreciate hugs from us so cute!)
but I love you very much. Thankyous' never enough.

I am Sunshine because my father is The Sun.

2011-12-02T15:02:00.013+08:00

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part(I)

Finally. The last installment of my favorite film series.

2008, 2009, then Eclipse in 2010... we've followed through.

I know some people see Twilight as a flick based on cheesy vampire romance,

teeheheh Im one of those bloodsucked into the fantasy of it all.

The characters have matured so much over the years.

Robert Pattinson and KStew hatched a real romance, superlike.

Talk about life imitating art.

Apart from the action and flawless white faces,

reason why I'll always look forward to this franchise is its awesome cast.

Hot men (team Edcob by the way :b) but what really works for me?

The femalessssssssssssssss!

Ashley Greene/Alice.

Dakota Fanning/volturi Jane.

And I I I absolutely LO♥E

Kristen Stewart/Bella.

Strikingly gorgeous, not feature-perfect like Emma Watson.

There's just something about her thats very captivating.

It could be the natural awkwardness. >:D

Anyway I've caught the movie, you shouldn't ask me how was it.

Because Im biased I told everyone it was fantastic.
Enjoyed myself as usual although Bella=drugaddict most of the time.

Oh I had this crazy-out-of-the-world thought initially...

yeahyeah what the heck right,

*insert exclamations and question marks*

well, felt like it made some sense since we saw the previous ones together.

Would be nice to finish up the experience with that same person no?

Thank goodness I gave up on the idea eventually haha.

Isn't it sad how the Twilight Saga lasts longer than your relationship.

Here's a song from BD Im totally hooked onto, sweet stuff!

#nowplaying Bruno Mars "It Will Rain"

2011-11-28T10:39:00.024+08:00

What makes someone beautiful?

Is it their fashion, layers of makeup, a good sense of humor,

unique talents, level of physical hotness, confidence, intellect

or as we always hear em telling (cliche it might be) the personality?
Question. Question. Question.

1. I never had the luxury of a flawless complexion, only periods of better.
And unfortunately Im now (self)-diagnosed with rosacea.

2. My supposed etiquette as a female is not exactly there.

I find that any aspect of elegance reins in my natural happy emotions.

3. No particular style. I appreciate what looks aesthetically fine, fad or not.

Deep down honestly I really don't care much for trends,
which is such a boo-boo to a lot of people these days.

4. I am probably also the most petite out of everyone's social book.

Ain't tall, ain't have to-die-for curvy shape.

I am not dropdead evil though I can be very ill-tempered.

I used to burden loved ones with my extreme insecurities.

Aha you see, tons of things that makes me not beautiful.

How do we define beauty? Perspective?
I'll say what makes someone beautiful, in my opinion, are two keys:

being real and his/her individuality.
Im drawn to genuine people who possess some kind of distinctness.
Everything else is achievable (hard work of course) but these two don't come with the flow.

God, or whoever you're convinced created life has blessed me with me.

He has blessed you, with you.

With all thats going on if I were to lose my sight in future

would I be beautiful? Yeah because Im still me.

Though till then,

__|__

Here's a catchy song that lifts my spirits.

Hopefully it works for yall too teeheheh.

#nowplaying One Direction "What Makes You Beautiful"

2011-11-24T16:25:00.002+08:00

Never Say Never.
I believe in the above, and not because its title of a Justin Bieber movie.

Haha though yesss I adore the boy.

Never Back Down.

Coincidentally title of another movie.

But I refuse to take the 'never back down' approach.

As much as we can insist, and persist in an attitude or task,

there comes a time we all need to check ourselves.

Otherwise life becomes a more difficult journey than necessary.

Thats what I think so yeah.

We shouldn't confuse the two.

2011-11-21T00:45:00.002+08:00

"Make Love, Not War"

But war doesn't only exist between nations;
sometimes a lifelong struggle within the family... amongst best friends.
The scariest being when war lies within yourself.

"Make Love, Not War"
This is how people learn to get back on their feet right?
Hence my current windows wallpaper.
I need some time alone.
Wait for me, if you're my loved one. (:

Goodnight funny world.

2011-11-20T15:20:00.002+08:00

ỳọṳḁṙḙṫḣḕḁṕṕḷḕṍḟḿẏḕẏẻ♥

2011-11-17T21:05:00.006+08:00

Pick-up hello. Not Throw-up bye bye.

Logged on to WLNY in search of an old photo for a friend.

Its been years amazingly my account is still active.

Can't say the same for Friendster, now a lameass social gaming site.

And so look what I found....

Didn't bother scrolling through. The first page is enough to make me belch.

I almost fell off my chair though hahahaha!!

PLEASE TELL ME WHY THERE ARE PEOPLE LIKE THIS.

Could scratch my head a million times and not find an answer.

A few creative ones, what they should expect:

Seriously,cannot,understand.

I'd rather respond to a 'hey there =)'

that is if Im absolutely bored and you don't look like a perv (well trust me 9 out of 10 do)

and it appears we share mutual friends/interests
and the profile looks aCcEpTabLe--this is not by the way.......

and photo albums aren't 205 pictures of your flexed abs or shady sunglasses.

Tip! Don't be overly desperate to come across as different.
Keep it simple. Being genuine shouldn't require complex words.

Guffffffaw these fellas made my day. <;B

2011-11-16T23:38:00.009+08:00

He's such a gem I hate to lose, yet incapable of holding.

___

Life has taken its toll on me.

I wish I could write about happier things but to be honest

such immense discomfort and worrying thoughts are lethal when combined.

And somehow or rather, Im the only one to blame.

Coming clean.

For a good half year I indulged in alcohol every weekend,

a package deal of late nights and crashing after sunrise.

The routine was addictive with awesome friends.

At that point of time, no telltale signs that my body struggled to keep up.

It is true. Tons of people enjoy a havoc lifestyle with no serious consequences.

Hell, I don't even smoke nor drink excessively. So why me?

There's no asking why. Some are blessed, some more unfortunate.

I just happen to be the latter.

It is unimaginably frightening.

Because I can do without a lot of things but no, not my sight.

Even the slightest possibility pulls me into worry-wart mode.
We take for granted. We panic way too late.

Anyway Im alright friends, will definitely keep the faith going.

Over the past year I've learnt to complain less.
You fuss about a problem and the problem seems to multiply.
Gotten to the point where I might disappear for a bit to compose myself, by myself.
Hahahaha does it make any sense?
Im thankful for every one of your texts, shall say it again--I love yall.
To Bbam especially in spite of my cowardly move
still you're trying your best to be here for me.
From the very start (slurry/nonsensical/always gettin into silly fixes haha)
giving "developed" advice whenever Im a helpless state of mind.
Thank you thank you thank you. :]

And here's what I have to push me the extra mile:

The Devil has put a penalty on all things we enjoy in life.
Either we suffer in health or we suffer in soul, or we get fat.
Albert Einstein

The health of the eye seems to demand a horizon.

We are never tired, so long as we can see far enough.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Faith and prayer are the vitamins of the soul;

Man cannot live in health without them.

Mahalia Jackson

2011-11-11T23:50:00.000+08:00

"Faith is taking the first step when you don't see the whole staircase."

2011-10-30T17:26:00.016+08:00

I want her hair, the length of curls just right!

But hmmmm.... what if it makes me look like a kid?!

HOW NOW BROWN COW. (TBG's current phrase haha)

2011-10-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

Look at how much Meatball (left, obviously :b) has grown!

Hahahaha they're so dam cute just the photo makes me grin from ear-to-ear.

2011-10-17T10:03:00.012+08:00

RIP

Video of Dan Wheldon's crash, hell tragic.

Life's unpredictable. Don't underestimate the people it can take away in an instant.

Will be praying for him tonight

and not because the man was a famous auto racing star (I know nuts about the sport).
To me he's a fellow human that left behind a plate full of dreams

and a very devastated family of wife and children. I feel for them.
33. Plenty of things undone.

Of glory, of tears. :(

I'm set. I will be nice to the people who matter.

What's difficult, but also most important--is being unconditionally so.

Even if it doesn't pay at times I will be nice.
It must be horrible to think "Fuck, I should have done this better."

2011-10-13T02:10:00.002+08:00

Home from impromptu Real Steel showing!

Ran 4 km today (gym feels awesome after such a long hiatus)

and a good movie makes the night even better.

So Punkie and I took a quick shower before driving out.

Yay big fans of chillax dates we were both in....

Hoodies! And Im gonna buy me more comfort wear, heh.

Anyway as if Hugh Jackman and Dakota Goyo (kid star) didn't already rock the screen,

the movie's soundtrack is equally dope. Mega badass!!

When I first saw the trailer--"ohmy gosh. isn't that Till I Collapse"
One of Eminem's earlier songs (2002 thats like, 9 years ago yeaaaah)

cus back then I was totally hooked on it.

Till the roof comes off
Till the lights go out
Till my legs give out
Can't shut my mouth
Till the smoke clears out
And my high burns out
Imma rip these shit
Till my bones collapse

hahaha now you know I grew up an angsty teen.

2011-10-10T23:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes.

When you accidentally stumble upon old pictures

or read about past memories... what would you do?

Do you quickly put them away for fear it may eat you up from the insides,

all over again? I don't.

I browse leisurely as if digging up the lost smiles takes away any of that regret.

When I justify over a relationship, it means he is no longer a priority.

It also means I have set aside expectations w/no thoughts about any romantic possibility.

But as a friend, or even in time to come, as a stranger,

he will always mean something special to my life.

I believe this to make enough sense, for all the effort and commitment put into a couple of years,

there can never be a so-called 'nothing left'.

There can be no love left to lose.

There can never be no love left to lose (if you get what I mean).

Of course, this doesn't apply to every dating partner.

Just some more than others.

2011-09-24T23:51:00.004+08:00

7 hours and 7000 miles away

Once told me you're 'slack' when it comes to texting,

you have no clue what to talk about without a purpose.
We never had a daily messaging (or massaging hahaha) habit.
Soo thank you for taking the effort to update me now Bbam,

random images... goodnight<8.. it all means a lot.

Not being able to see your slurry face is sucha downer!
Too many reasons why distance will eventually change things.
Its hardly easy--this balance between excitement and knowing not to hope.

Not everyone we meet stays forever.
Still, there are people we'd be happy fighting for even without likelihood of the future.
Only to keep them longer. Thats what you are to me.

I can be tough, I can be strong
But with you it's not like that at all
There's a girl that gives a shit
Behind this wall you just walk through it

And I remember all those crazy things you said
You left them running through my head
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

All those crazy things we did
Didn't think about it just went with it
You're always there, you're everywhere
But right now I wish you were here

Damn, damn, damn,
What I'd do to have you here, here, here
(I wish you were here)
Damn, damn, damn
What I'd do to have you near, near, near
(I wish you were here)

I love the way you are
It's who I am, don't have to try hard
We always say, say it like it is
And the truth is that I really miss

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh you.
I think you're standing very close to heart.

2011-09-21T07:27:00.100+08:00

My paternal grandmother passed on yesterday.

Semi-conscious for almost half a year and physically unresponsive,

Im actually glad her pain's now relieved.

Surely it isn't comfortable to be put on a drip that long.

Daddypops seems fine.

They have known for some time nothing can be done.

Goodbye Novena-Ahma.

Up at 0530 to complete 2.5k major essay.

2,500 words doesn't seem like much yea thats what I thought.

But when you gotta back up an argument with different theories,

all making enough sense, well not so easy.

This is what happens when Microsoft Word becomes your best friend.

OHHH and after more than two years....

I realize I do have a webcam on my comp!!

Bahahaha duper fun because I use it to practise funny faces

then award points to myself for creativity.

Of course! They shall remain in my private collection.

Lennie seeking attention.

(My bedtime mates are alive to me so Imma highlight their names.)

Angrybird.

Friends aren't just there based on their own circumstances,

they're there based on yours.

Thought about this in the morning and hell how true.
Mega random post.
Okay big breakfast's here! Laters!
Scrambled eggs w/ ketchup nope I am not gross.

2011-09-19T13:45:00.002+08:00

"Studies have proven that listening to music strengthens the right-hemisphere of the brain.
It literally changes the structure.

Those same studies have found that people who listen to music are generally smarter

and have more emotional intelligence than those who don’t."

For real? I spend at least 2 hours on music everyday!

Haha then again, people who listen to a lot of music are rather um, eccentric.

2011-09-13T16:15:00.017+08:00

Remember saying I'll post this but never did.
My favorite electric guitarist.

'Formal' message. From him its cutest--I swear cutest ever.
Reading it makes my heart melt.
But it also makes my eyes tingle with sadness.
This, is exactly why I've come to like you
so much so myself found it hard to believe.

Really one of a kind.
I'll definitely miss you.
I know it because you're still here and I feel that lil tug.

Im thankful enough our paths even crossed.

Would never trade the chance for anything in the world.

And yes, probably no one checks in here anymore so....

wedding pictures for you sta*ker Bammbam.

Our marriage very rocking, very havoc. I likeeee.

2011-09-06T07:01:00.005+08:00

Gee, more than a month since I last logged in.

Been busier than usual with this semester's Digital Media unit--

creating a video portrait from scratch.

All the filming and editing slots took up the weekends...

but still I had to party to balance out the stress.

So life has been two extremes; you find me either at school or in the club.

Ha ha ha.

I need to quit procrastinating and pen down one million thoughts.

My Aquarian head is burstg from the one million thoughts.

I have been very happy with recent company.

Despite seeing the same faces almost every Friday and Saturday,

I enjoy moments of sprightly zest right down to the comedic suppers.

As the end of Sept nears, this bunch of awesome people will be gone

and I guess we gotta deal.

2011-07-19T22:32:00.000+08:00

I-I love you like a love song baby
And I keep it in re-pe-pe-peat

Helluva catchy!

2011-06-23T23:59:00.019+08:00

DC paper was better than expected.

Tomorrow's dedicated to report and Saturday--Saturday is PLAY.

0400, Im tryna digest the Asam flavored maggi.

Stomach on fire.
Hmmmmmmm.

Have you ever wondered,
"Hwah how come she meets all the good guys while I always end up with such trash?"

Because I've heard/overheard this endlessly.

Strangers, friends bitching.... in envy, jealousy or plain disdain.

It doesn't necessarily mean she is a better person than yourself.

Hell it isn't even about luck or course of life.

I gave this some thought today. The answer is clear:

She will not settle for less. And you might.

Sometimes in life we adapt to expect less of people.

There's that fine line between settling and striving for our ideals.

We want to be realistic, but what is real?

"Contemporary society rests upon 'a simulation of something that never really existed'."

The simulacrum is never that which conceals the truth,

it is the truth which conceals that there is none.

The simulacrum is true.
(Jean Baudrillard)

The above implies that the real is no longer real.

The world we encounter is hyperreal--abstracted from reality.

Everything signified refers to another signifier.

In believing so, it is safe to say we construct our own ideals.

Not long ago Sissy shared a true story with me.

This girl of mediocre upbringing and looks had dreams of marrying into royalty.

She wasn't joking when she told her friends about it.

Obviously no one encouraged that dream, perhaps no one listened.

Well this girl's motivation eventually carried her to a foreign land

where upon a twist of fate (probably self-sought),

she got married to the man titled as Prince in his country.

I grew up with wonderful cousins.

We'd talk about the future; PP in particular, was very certain about her path.

Adores children. Plans to teach in a pre-school.

Find a good man. Marry young. Start her own family.

Tadaaah--Happily ever after! Haha.

And I guess it was her certainty that made us skeptical.

I didn't believe life could be so simple, so effortlessly.

Now, a decade later....

Her marriage.

Her children.

Her family.

:D

We construct our own ideals. 'Good' is a point of view.

We alone, decide what is unacceptable and what is attainable.

I will not settle for less. And I will strive for a life I define as good.

No one is gonna tell me otherwise.

This post makes perfect sense to me.
Maybe Im overwhelmed by theories.
I hope it makes some sense to you.

2011-06-22T03:45:00.020+08:00

Whazzup folks.
I wonder who still checks this space... to you reading,
hurhur, thanks for having faith!

0349, just had a last dose of coffee.
(I don't usually take coffee but it works like drug to keep me awake.
A must-drink for long nights.)

Been sleeping at 6AM to catch up, complete assignments on time bla.

Final exam this Thu--Debating Comms.
Hooray 'cause we received an extension--Report to a Client Mon 27 Jun!

Shall rush it by Friday anyway.

Need the weekend to let loose, going mad from theories in my head.

重点：

I PROMISE TO UPLOAD ALL THE OVERDUE VIZUALS.

From February. Massive flood of faces.

I PROMISE TO UPLOAD ALL THE OVERDUE VIZUALS.

Will be back after uh, alls done with this semester okay?

Which is very very, very soon. Cannot wait.

Alright enough.

If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
If you ever loved somebody put your hands up
Now they're gone and you wish you could give them everything

Collaboration by fave Youtube artistes. / P.o.r as I mug.
Christina Grimmie's voice has soo much character while Sam Tsui is sigh.
The epitome of my ideal:

☺ White

♯ Charismatic

☼ Awesome Smile

♫ Talent

♥ Sophisticated Boyish

√ All Checked.

Hahaha fine I coined the term "sophisticated-boyish". Yknow what I mean.

2011-06-06T01:45:00.029+08:00

NO MORE PARTYING TILL JULY.
Reports, gym and chillack days... Yippedoo!

8]

BIEBER FEVER?

Anyway since I was on the topic w Jay a while ago...
yessss why do people dislike Justin Bieber so much?

The boy is a goddam talent!! An inspiration.

Its only because he's overrated that he's hated.
What's wrong with bubblegum pop? He is just 17.

Im sure as he matures eventually there'd be bigger songs.

In any case at 17 most of us were skipping school,

hanging in town all day acting like a bunch of cool-tards (retards).
Well this fella's working helluva hard, taking shit in his stride, chasing dreams.

Why criticise for no good reason when you can celebrate?
JB is obviously a musical genius.
Teehee gonna catch NSN! Don't, roll your eyes.

Makes a nice lullaby. Gnight world.

2011-05-30T23:51:00.017+08:00

I saw him today - what timing and coincidence.

Fate works like magic. True story.

Yes I have remnants of love left. There's nothing to hide.

But to move on was never about accepting someone new.

It is for me, envisioning his happiness.
And Im almost near.

Be smiling again in the morning.
Thank you angels.

2011-05-29T21:56:00.051+08:00

The things I do to myself.

Sometimes, being ahead of the game you know what hurts.

You know what not to click. Still it doesn't stop you.

Thank God the drinks last night has me feeling a little numb today.

I should be alright and I really am.

This - is just an uneasy tug from within.

Down with mad cough/throat for almost a month.

Unable to sing (helllll that sucked), gym or even focus in class.

Now all the med's done but sickness isn't.

And the room seems to be closing in on me.

Shall go take a jog.

Teeheh REFRESH CAROL!

2011-05-22T14:25:00.109+08:00

Sam oh Sam Tsui, with a voice and smile like that
who would ever hold it against you?

Lazy Sunday. Playing on repeat.
Recent posts are mostly videos but you know music really makes up my world.
To just chillack at home, laze on the bed,
listen to some awesome covers, google lyrics and sing along...
Yeah thats my idea of a good ol stay-in day.

Bored? So am I.
Here's cold entertainment after the jump.
ps: Please finish the song first or I'll hold it against you.

Zzzz foggy mirror.

Hi I am Lennie.

Whatsup my name's Winkles. Or you can call me uh, frog.

And I've a star-shaped tiara. Do you??

Together we are our owner's best bedtime rolling mates!

Fooling around.
Lennie: I hateeee it when you do that! Piss off!
Winkles: (imitating annoying orange) Hey. Hey Lennie!!
Chiu can try try try try~ and fling me off.
Bahahahahha

We pledge to be Forever Friends.
Nah, not thaaaat Forever Friends. They're cliche.
We are the new-age stuffed toys.

Best angle ever.

Winkles is living proof.
When you get on someone's nerves a kiss can always reverse things.

HAHAHAHHAHA look at Winkles smile,
so dammit thankful to be forgiven.

Okay okay Im off.
Ashamed of failed attempt at scriptwriting.
See ya later alligators!

2011-05-15T19:31:00.004+08:00

Been tryna figure Dreamweaver since morning,

cross-eyed scrolling through the html/css guide.

Webfolio's due soon. Panicky mode.

By jinxed coincidence my closest girls have reclaimed singlehood

in a span of 2 months or less, including dearest Sissy.

I think we are fortunate though, to have each other for company.

I didn't really reach out to anyone last year (by choice) because they were then committed.

It felt like I was better dealing alone.

Just glad that we all share a common understanding now

instead of whining about life or blaming the people.

So lately Im guilty (!) but not too guilty, of partying more than usual.

Guess in recognizing my own flaws and learning from the past...

Im actually enjoying the alcohol, the dancefloor, the interesting convos

and being genuinely happy with fantastic friends.

+++ DON'T SLUT IT UP / PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR +++

2011-05-06T14:28:00.001+08:00

You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul

2011-04-29T13:35:00.005+08:00

Life is good.

School, awesome stayovers and laugh-till-you-drop friends.

Literally. I remb rolling on the floor, clutching my stomach side

and ohhh at one instance.... tearing even. - _-)

Must-watch. Not your usual sappy plot,

instead an inventive romedy film that's fricken hilarious

and really speaks of people with different abilities to commit.

If you think about it.... how true.

"There are only two kinds of men in the world.

The ones who cheat and the ones who want to."

(十个男人九个坏，一个想作怪。)

To this the female lead retorts 那我要找第十一个。

Hahahahhaha!!

Might be a long wait but Mister Eleven exists.

Once you start doubting, you'll never find him.

2011-04-24T23:54:00.013+08:00

Someone mentioned above is from the male perspective

but it doesn't make a difference, does it.

How many of you have been through this cycle more than once?

I have. Exactly why I'd rather be alone now.

There are no fluctuating or declining stages to fret about.

To me the final outcome of breaking apart acts like gravity.

Eventually, my dear girlfriends and I will overcome that pull with the right one.

High up we won't ever go back where we started.
Strangers again? Nah.

2011-04-18T22:59:00.006+08:00

10,001 things to blog about.

But sho fricken lazy.... how?!???

Went to the gym instead. Finally a productive workout session!

Small girl vigorously pedalling while head-bobbing to rock tunes.

Must have been quite a mad sight ha ha.

Flood of pictures soon.
For now check out Boyce Avenue please. They're awesome acoustic.
How nice it is to have someone special sing for you. Dontya think?
#mysecretfantasy

Made a wrong turn once or twice

Dug my way out blood and fire
Bad decisions that's alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated misplaced misunderstood

Mister "no way, it's all good"

It didn't slow me down

Mistaken, always second guessing

Underestimated

Look I'm still around

Pretty, pretty please

Don't you ever, ever feel

Like you're less than

Less than perfect

Pretty, pretty please

If you ever, ever feel

Like you're nothin'

You are perfect to me.

You're so mean

When you talk about yourself

You were wrong

Change the voices in your head

Make them like you instead

So complicated

Look how we all make it

Filled with so much hatred

Such a tired game

It's enough

I've done all I can think of

Chased down all my demons

I've seen you do the same

You're perfect, you're perfect to me.

2011-04-13T10:32:00.002+08:00

Even the seemingly best disappoints.

Let's just do well ourselves, shall we.

©LoraPalmer

Always here honey ♥

There's little we know of the future but I'll never be your irony.

Teeheee Im proud of you. A strong woman is a very beautiful one.

2011-04-10T17:59:00.004+08:00

Laura Marling, Brit musician I can really relate to.

That much I cried. You should hit this twice.

One for her spellbinding performance, another for the lyrics.

I know I said I love you, but I'm thinking I was wrong

I'm the first to admit that I'm still pretty young

And I never meant to hurt you when I wrote you ten love songs.

That guy that I could never get, 'cause his girlfriend was pretty fit

And everyone who knew her loved her so

Well I made you leave her for me and now I'm feeling pretty mean

But my mind has fucked me over more times than any man could ever know.

Maybe I should give up, give in.

Give up trying to be thin.

Give up and turn into my mother

God knows I love her.

But I'm sorry to which ever man should meet my sorry state

Watch my steady lonesome gait, and be aware

I will never love a man 'cause love and pain go hand in hand

And I can't do it, again.

So we stayed up late one night to try and get our problems right

But I couldn't get into his head just what was going through my mind

Think he knew where I was going 'cause he put Ryan Adams on

I think he thinks it makes me weak but it only ever makes me strong

I've got this friend who sounds just like him

Now he's the man I'd leave you for, the man that I just adore like you.

The same man he turns to me

He said "I got to tell you how I feel, if god could make the perfect girl for me it would be you."

And my god told me not to tell about how much do you love your fella

I don't know more everyday

Not in this new romantic way.

I'll always be your first love

You'll always be my first love.

I will never love a man 'cause I could never hurt a man

Not in this new romantic way.
__

I promised noncommitment till this independence is deep-rooted.

And with the past months of dissecting life under a microscope
I have become a (perhaps scarily) self-sufficient person.

It is too true.

"We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone." Orson Welles

We can and we will still make sacrifices,

as long as we know there is no obligation to receive the same, we are self-sufficient.

I've taken control of my happiness for a while now.

Reset my thoughts instead of faulting the people responsible for my emotions.

Truthfully speaking.... no one is.

Been on the phone a lot with my girls. I used to be in their place.
The calls somehow affirm I am on the right track.

Relationships complement us. Even then, that is the best it gets.

A wise friend said, love loses appeal when love becomes work.
There is absolutely no reason to place expectations on any one person.

Not a partner, not friends, not family. You are your own homeground.

This segmented mindset's my newfound realization.
Being self-sufficient is so important. It frees the unnecessary priorities.

That said! I'll always believe in love and be eager to give,

how shall I say.... I arrived on Earth with such hope. Haha. :b
But I'd keep in mind never to cripple myself without it.

2011-04-07T18:23:00.012+08:00

"都这么熟了还要握手"
Hahaha. Yep this is the title post.

I am finally going to write about my birthday.

February it was but looking at the photos makes me feel truly blessed to have them in life.

Close as we are, our clique hardly celebrates birthdays, it will presumably be spent with special ones.

(We all had partners, still do except for me of course!)

ps: jump break enabled for visual-heavy entries.

They planned an evening dinner. House at Dempsey.
Bittersweet venue.

♥♥♥ TBG ♥♥♥

Mango mou-seh (inside joke) from Bakerzin.

I could use a wish right now, wish right now ~~

...........

...........
...........
They waited
...........

um hey!?? Making 3 wishes takes a bit of time....
Overwhelmed by greed. Har har.

Yins darl.

Nat ki.

Tis' the spread

OZMG YUMMY. Ordered two servings. :O

Main courses

The food wasn't exactly fantastic (again),

better than my previous choice of red snapper though.

Guess what?

We decided that the items WITHOUT recommendations are the ones you should select when at House.

Seriously! They were all good.

Red snapper had a big red heart. And strange taste I won't even classify as exotic.

Qing dear. Yes, we know Swatch is blinding. Haha.

My favorite girlys. Almost a decade of friendship. :D

We'll grow old together, ultimately become

grey-haired fans of maggi goreng and chillack sessions.

Playing dimwit with Yins's i4.

I LOVE YALL, BEEGEES!

Thank you for bustling my birthday. Especially this year.

It really means a lot to me. XOXOXOXOXOXO

psII: Being festive and in the mood,

I extended my hand to greet them Happy Chinese New Year,
but sigh I got the same ( -_-) from all three. No manners right??
都这么熟了还要握手! Or so they said.
I forced them to return the handshake anyway. Hahahaha.

08.02.11

Home on my exact birth-day rushing a report.
There was submission due, how pathetic right.
Nahhshit cause Monstermom and I ordered Sarpino's to share!

Double Pepperoni. All-time fave.

Just the picture is tempting my stomach.

zzzzzzzzzzz crap, drooling already.

2011-04-01T23:01:00.006+08:00

Last Friday - 38.9.
Today (a week later) - 38.8.
This is not cool. I was looking forward to the weekend.

Now its more brain damage party than paradise. :(

The end of semester calls for a post.
Screwed the finals yest but thats okay, because it was a mass-screwing thing.
Hahahaha. *insert half of middle finger*
What was Fang thinking when she set the dam paper.
Nandos with my class, then Sanctum.
Sure it cannot compare to Avatar but I appreciate the father-son relationship.
And how they didn't let Carl recover like he never just saw his girlfriend (spoiler).
Because thats hardly possible. Physically or mentally.

Timbre @ Old School for celebratory drinks.
Maybe ice-breaking too. ;b
Revealed my tolerance or non, to them. I really need to step up.
Thank you all.

So hurray holidays, hurry away headache.
Sleeping now. 11:19PM.
Pigtures soon.

2011-03-28T17:53:00.004+08:00

People who'll listen and share, laugh with me,

sing about life, enjoy hearty meals together;

you who is happiness in the simplest way possible,

Come stand by me.

I am a deep thinker. That I won't deny.

Even so the people I cherish most are ironically the ones who do not evoke my thoughts.

I love the people I don't have to spend time analyzing, scrutinising and then quietly judging.

Tis, triggered by an auto-defense mechanism.

The ones that are easy going, contented,
the non schemers, non bitches and non complicated.

Hardly an intentionally bad thought in mind they make the (my) world such a better place.

The ones I feel safe with.

Because when you finally tire of all the drama
you just want to go home to these gems (extremely rare).

So if you'll listen and share, laugh with me,
sing about life, enjoy hearty meals together;
if you are happiness in the simplest way possible,
Come stand by me.

I've not much to promise you but my true self.
This is my most recent ambition.

2011-03-25T16:25:00.009+08:00

I am flying~ happy now, Longnecker extended the submission.
One day but still time. Forgot to upload these previously.

02.02.11 CHINESE NEW YEAR EVE

Family. Yes I am morphing into Daddypops.

Everyone, you are not allowed to say my Dad is less than handsome.

Sissy brought me for a date after reunion dinner. ;b

We headed over to DFS Galleria and everything is dammit atas.

She was waltzing in and out of shops.

I followed, tryna keep a low key 'cause I felt out of place...

"Will wear it now thanks."

This is what I heard while browsing some wallets at Bvlgari.

To save the children. (:

Not the most pricey but it is most meaningful.
Um, and anyway I still find it a ridiculous amount for one ring.

Over to Borders where we stayed till closing.
This green creature (for some reason) is fricken funny.
Two shelves of them staring intently at you with that stupid face.
Zz hahahahha.
Sissy saw the LMAO effect it had on me.
Now the wrinkly frog sleeps with me every night.
He is Lennie's fave friend. Teeheeh.

2011-03-24T02:35:00.003+08:00

while doing my report late at night
i suddenly turned to the right

the empty desk beside

our hearty chats and retarded fights

or sometimes, just one time

the figure behind grumbling 'bright lights'

Really miss having you around Sissy.

The room's much too quiet

it feels like Im the last man standing.

2011-03-20T20:07:00.070+08:00

Courage. Sometimes I applause myself.
When it comes to matters (literally) of the heart,

I drive straight into the wall. Not without careful thought...

but with no fear of getting spurned after careful thought.

I do what I feel the need to do. And almost always I am glad.

On a side note my room is too gloomy to inspire the hardworking me.

The entire setting with drawn curtains, orange lights

and huge bed right behind the workplace table

just makes me want to carry on sleeping all day long.

Thats exactly what happened today.

But a ha! Just repositioned the laptop, shall work through the night.

By the way BMW has always been my favorite car brand (convertibles o!mg).

$$$$$

Im doing up an audit on their Joy campaign for school.

Wanna share a cool video:

Truly madly deeply, I love good old BMW.

They're classic, solid and... extremely power-packed.

Teeheh talk about dreams.

2011-03-17T02:25:00.008+08:00

Insanely busy with school.
Finals round the corner, two bigass reports due.
Shall squeeze a visual update 'cause photos are piling up.
Do not wince. Yes Im blogging about CNY, now.

04.02.11 CHINESE NEW YEAR 初二

Probably why my friends tell me its hard to imagine me as a mother.
Sigh but I really adore baby boys!?

With Aunt Karen and bubblegum Zen. Favorite.

Lil monster finally subdued. ;D

"Young Adults" table....
FYI my Dad conveniently misplaced himself here.

Impromptu meet-up w Elyn and the brudders.
Movie then Chillz for sing along session.

To celebrate my zodiac year.
All hail The Rabbits! Teeheheh

Pete the fellow Twisties Tomato fan.

Kel the outfielder haha.

And of course what are drinking nights without Xgb.

Wenyao very gay (merry). ;b

At least the night wasn't spent home alone.

Thank you yall.

< VERY RANDOM >

0151AM. While typing out the skeleton of a project, quite frantically,

my dear Isa happily comes to tell me she has tagged me in a photo

.....

For relieving my stress in your lil corny way. Much ♥ hahaha.

2011-03-13T23:41:00.001+08:00

Shock, confusion, surprise, frustration, pending irrelevance

all rolled into a night.

But clearly for now there's only one route I should follow.

We don't take angels from the sky.

2011-03-08T22:53:00.009+08:00

Started voice-blogging on i3G a while back
and at 0148AM last night/this morning I recorded another.

Maybe one day soon I'll post them up here.

So last night I tossnturn'ed as usual.

It was a random thought that made me ponder;

there are optimistic people around me who seem to embrace happiness.
I used to see it as bullshit - a cliche life-motivational phrase.

But taking time to comprehend the meaning of

Live Every Day Like It's Your Last,

it makes all the sense you couldn't have imagined.

If I were to know life ends tomorrow for me,

wouldn't matter how many faults my mom picked today,

the careless words she said or even the hours she nagged on...

I think I'll be okay.

This mother-daughter bond, however warped it gets, I'd want to cherish.

I think it'd be fine to realize we mightn't ever be together again

because for sure I wouldn't be around anyway

and I'll genuinely want him meeting someone better.

I would pack the day with all things good.
What are wrinkles, some fats, imperfect complexion and height inferiorities

when we're not here to stay. Nothing is here to stay.

No one is forever.

And I guess if only we could see things this way

it just makes living dam much easier.

The friend who isn't quite a good friend on closer inspection,

why does it matter since she still gave comfort, laughter and joy?

People survive (partly die) on expectations.

We become disappointed with a person who has stopped loving us

in the same way we do. Perhaps we haven't. Pain can be alleviated it seems.

People who are happy, or put enough effort trying to be,

they understand what to constantly fight for - today.

They accept that Fate's only promise is in its present.

If he leaves the past behind, then there must be some future worth looking forward.

My mom never faces up to mistakes. Permanent of her at least in this lifetime.
I should probably mend myself to leave a better ink on our relationship.

It's just not right to stand strong for a day and crumble the next.

Happiness ought to be a self-given constant no?

Time to learn how to appreciate, expand what God has blessed me with

because until the day I die this is the shell Iam living in.

Definitely not gonna be a breeze keeping up.

Nevertheless trying is better than not at all.

To my dear friends who are going thru hell,

Live Every Day Like It's Your Last and Some Day You'll Be Right.

Sometimes we fall down, can't get back up
We're hiding behind skin that's too tough
How come we don't say I love you enough
Till it's too late, it's not too late

Our hearts are hungry for a food that won't come
We could make a feast from these crumbs
And we're all staring down the barrel of a gun
So if your life flashed before you what would you wish you would've done
Yeah gotta start

Looking at the hand of the time we've been given here
This is all we got and we gotta start thinkin' it
Every second counts on a clock that's ticking
Gotta live like we're dying
We only got 86 400 seconds in a day
To turn it all around or throw it all away
We gotta tell ‘em that we love ‘em while we got the chance to say
Gotta live like we're dying

Well if your plane fell out of the skies
Who would you call with your last goodbye?
Should be so careful who we left out of our lives
So when we long for absolution there'll be no one on the line

Soap a few minutes ago (coincidentally):
Things become better when you're happy.
Only then will you be able to attract happy things,
notice happy things, create happy things, share happy things
and gain real happiness.

Common knowledge yet overlooked by most of us.
Shall keep in mind!

2011-03-06T22:51:00.012+08:00

Me: .....was such an asshole! *rambling on*

Dad (mega confused face): What's asshole?

10 sec later Dad regains focus: Orrrrrrh, asshole.

Hahahahaha priceless.

"I don't use such language it needs some time to process."

25hrs out with just 2 hrs shuteye the night before is no joke.

Fell into a deep sleep and for once I had nil dreams.

Yep yesterday was hell productive.

Met Isa for breakfast, rehearsed a little, guided walk (mad relief when over).

I hate me for fearing public speaking so much.

Seems juvenile having anxiety attack when everyone else is chill pill.

Initial plan of rushing home to KO tossed away

because while eating w my classmates, movie sounded good.

Haha. Impromptu bonding. Like!

Time Crisis2 is extinct already sigh.

Some arcade fun before TAB.

Credits to Sneaky Sylvia. ;)

Chillz to acc Xg for some beer but nope no alcohol for me.

It'd have made me cranky way earlier.

Anyway Iam starting to appreciate a sober head.

Overdose of drinks during that rough period and

'hanging over' every other weekend didn't help lessen my pain at all.

Endnote. My father is really very cute.

2011-03-01T15:29:00.020+08:00

I am THE WORLD'S BEST SISTER!

Compiled a disc of love-dovey songs handpicked by Sissy for K's birthday
(think If You're Not The One) at the risk of my emonster taking over.

Arranged the tracks in a very professional way hoho,

feels nice knowing the end product'll bring smiles to them.

She's coming to collect it after work. Yippeey.

Sometime before CNY11.

Had supper w Shi at favorite kwaychup place!

Whole chunk of unglamorous shots for your appreciation.

Neighborhood dates I like teeheheh.

Nom nom intestines.

Good food equals happytwo lame friends.

Sleazy 'Geylang' red-light district.

Um. Constipation smooches.

The Annoyed and The Irritating. ;D

Is my hand a chicken drumstick?

Halloween.

Fail 大头贴。

Kenshin Samurai X!

No idea how that shadow bolt came about

but intimidating aye. Don't messss.

Bad aims.

Lol no need ah. I know you're happy with me. Its okay.

Most, demure, girlfriend.
You should audition for period dramas dearie!! Gogo.

Total opposites yet we're still able to gel awesome.

Maybe she finds my uncouthness amusing.
Maybe I secretly want to change, be alil more refined....

with apparently NO LUCK! Sigh :B

Photo credits to Shi's i4.

Oh yes oh yesss.
Pieced up a jigsaw for Jfloss's birthday early this year.
Kingdom Hearts -___________-
Can you believe he recited the whole keyblade story to me.
Hahaha I gotta admit the characters are lookin cool though.

Shimmery pretty with silver frame.
Really proud of my artwork!!
Was worried about the glue sticking but its easy.
Nice right?????

Need to prep the guided walk script this Sat.
Dammit bye :(

2011-02-28T19:35:00.011+08:00

Laura Jenson - Single Girls

They swarm like bees but the pain came slow.... and stinging.

Every photo that should have faded by now,

intactly there, laughing at me with the irony of its non-existence.

Perhaps the past makes way not just for the new,
even the older past. Perhaps people do change.
Know too well I've become the 'voided' one.
In happier times
I remb asking him cheerily if we might fall back to strangers one day,
shouldn't have joked about it. Because one day is here.

And it seemed so impossible then.

2011-02-23T09:01:00.011+08:00

Hello world!

Woke up at 0730 this morning.

Walked to my 'lifesaver' vending machine to grab a hot tomato-chicken sandwich.

Had a satisfying breakfast with apple aloe vera juice& watermelon to top it off.

Now Im full. Im heading back to bed.

Hahaha okay, no. Im going to.... study!

Quick update.

03.02.11 CHINESE NEW YEAR 初一

CNY was uneventful this year. As usual.

Big cut in number of relatives we see since the parents split in 05.

Fine I need to get over it it's been 6 years.

Grand Aunt's place, followed by Aunt Karen's for dinner.

Uh huh thats all.

A lot of time spent gorging ourselves on food and basically seated on the couch/es watching tv.

Hands occasionally stretching for red packets.

Overslept; rushed out (hair& face ).

There were just two pictures taken the entire day

at least I had Sissy and K's company! (:

Oh yep I wanna show yall something

.....

I've always thought she looked like 小S. Hahahaha.
Now she might kill me for cropping her photo.

Alright, off to meet Brand Equity.

2011-02-20T15:06:00.019+08:00

A&P midterm coming Sat urg,
currently hibernating at home with my books.

Posting this during self-bestowed video break.
1 hour vb to every 2 hours of studying.
Plus a lot of TV and food therapy in between.
Im really kind to myself. Hahaha.

DBSK a two-member band today. Still as awesome though.
Said it before I'll say it again
Jung Yunho @0:39 best K dancer.

He's trained in martial arts and it seems to pack the punch into dance.
Mega hot!!

Hahahahaha. Intense.
Not pretty like Kim Hyun Joong
(only Korean star I think gorgeous out of the many gay faces)
but there's something really charismatic about him.
Choreographs the moves, composes music, sings and raps.
Talent talent. Now he's second gorgeous.

Okay I'll quit being awestruck. Doesn't happen often.
Just done with videos so am feeling wow factor. ;D
.. Fck, I drank a mouthful of stale HL milk.
What is this? No odd smell at all!?

Shall go attempt to regurgitate it.
Ohmg.

2011-02-18T00:03:00.009+08:00

The 'hot date' in Vday post is obviously my school.
Ohh man why are people calling to ask: WHO?!!?

2011-02-17T03:01:00.006+08:00

Hesitated for a long time, wondering if this should be up.

Iam going ahead... for myself.

He probably doesn't follow anyway.

Today struck hard. Not intentionally though.

The number, the month and the mind.

How much I wish I wasn't updating my calendar.
One of those what could have beens.

By the way, this isn't here to say Im still holding on.

Don't mock me please.

But letting go of a person don't mean forgetting.

I cannot look at the date and not feel a tinge of sadness.

I cannot control the sudden trance of auto-rewind.

Most people want a past relationship to become an invisible one.

They look at it that way.

I never understand why. The bond is too dam difficult to break

and so I end up tripping all over self-inflicted pain.

Guess Im someone who takes the longer route to recovery.

Yes it has cost me a lot --- pride and forsaken chances;

but time ultimately gave me a better promise to long-term happiness

than anyone else might have.

I need to love in entirety before Iam ready to try again.

>

Letting go of a person don't mean forgetting.

Occasionally I still look at our pictures and remb the best parts of us.

Your smile and everything good about you stays with me.

I hug Lennie to sleep at night and slowly he is my next best comfort,

no longer a heartaching memory.

This entry is here because today was once significant.

Maybe a year later, this very day will pass by quietly.

No matter who or whom is in our current lives

I really hope we both find contentment.

But just today, I promise,
let me write about missing.

2011-02-14T11:58:00.006+08:00

Unlike what I expected.. Valentines' special this year.

Spending it with my hot date.

Though I have known him for less than 2 months

he's like no other I ever met.

Willingly dedicating time to me... and mostly weekends.

I find myself increasingly drawn to him.

He is interesting.

Seldom speak about him because I get stressed

having to commit some effort into this relationship.

Its not a fling. I need to be serious, he is.
This has given me a lot to think about
and today we will be working things out hopefully.
I was fricken sleepless last night.
There must be a conclusion after hours of brainstorming.

um to my awesome school. Hahahahahaha.

Submission of report due at 12 tonight.

The heck!?

Okay Iam being lame. But anyway

Spread the love people! (;

2011-02-10T14:51:00.006+08:00

Been trying to juggle school and play in my life.

Apparently I reached home at 5am yesterday,

my report (due tomorrow by the way) is 1/3 done

so its not very well-balanced uh? Haha.

Lots to update.

Gotta complete the mad assignment first though.
I tweet more than I blog sheesh, and I said Twitter was dumb.

Forgot to wish myself a Happy Birthday this year.

Will do it in my later posts.

For now Imna leave you with a little boy.

All prepped up and looking fresh....

.....

my bubblegum Zen. :*D

Im sure he charms the ladies in class with his relatively shy personality

and these eyelashes that are really thick and long woah.

Adorable much!!?

Ok need to hurry eat lunch, get down to work.

Urgg.

This is me. kthksbye

2011-02-06T23:47:00.005+08:00

陈势安天后
A song that's playing on repeat in my phone.
Repeat, meaning the entire 1.5h journey home.

I think he soaked his voice in heartbreak!
Love ittttt.

2011-02-03T01:34:00.000+08:00

Rabbit Angels I was born in your time, please let this year be fluffy fine.

:oD

February is my favorite month.

And will always be even without anything to look forward to.

Cannot type an essay now due to 2:30AM panic-nail painting

(at this moment I jus screwed up again).

I shall adjust my mood, hopefully to save y'all an emotional post.

Haha.

HAPPY LUNAR NEW YEAR!

Enjoy your house visits and KAYPO relatives... once every 365 days.

Let them be. Let them be~

Okay, nails are now dry and looking good.

Have an awesome holiday byeeee!

2011-01-27T23:59:00.013+08:00

Tutorial ended at 10. We flew straight to Subway.

Yummy dinner - well I was hungry, anything goes.

Friend: Lets all be frank now.... are you lesbian?

Me: (stops munching) No. Why!!!!!

Friend: Really? Got the vibes.

While we were on the train,

Friend: She look like some character from a cartoon right..

Friend no.2: Oh yaaaah ya

Friend: Don't know the name. A cat, quite vain that one.

??!
Friend no.2: Oh I remb already. Marie the cat.

Me: Lemme google

So today I found out, upon first impression you might think

1. I love girls and I want to hold their hands.

2. I look familiar but you've probably mixed me up with
.
.

her. /it.

Hahahahahahhaha.

Enjoy spending time with my uwa besties though.
They're dam cute. (;

Note to self. Please buck up.

There seems to be a lot of smart people in my class.

Iam not referring to the "academic crazed" sort of smart,

but well-read, witty and clever responses. They know 10001 things!

I couldn't recognize the theme song from Rocky in an ad.

I didn't even know Bob Dylan until two hours ago.

Its ok... because Isa thought he was dead already.
HAHA.

2011-01-26T16:11:00.003+08:00

Music: Explosions In The Sky - First Breath After Coma
Map: Darkened room.
Mode: Lying in bed.

Mind: Why is water perceived as blue when the rain outside has no color?

.....

Mood: Cosy maybe: cloudy

2011-01-24T15:45:00.006+08:00

Back from Drey's, all set for 3 fruitful home-days!

Will be headed to gym, reading up on lects and sleeping early.

Bedtime at 4-5am over the weekends boo. Eyebags kill kill kill.

Imna bounce off at 10PM tonight!!

Been googling brands for a sch assignment

and I think Im falling in love with advertising.

Spent the afternoon watching tons of brilliant ads..

the funny, the fail, the famous (Heineken) bla bla.

Interesting.

Will share my favorite by Sapporo Beer Japan:

It's neither hilarious nor loud if you get what I mean

but the beauty of CGI speaks enough to the audience.

I kind of enjoyed the scrolling motion...

almost like various paintings coming to life. Cool.

.....
.....

Plus Sapporo happens to be my current favorite!

Yeay extremely smooth, easy to drink beer.

Thumbs up (both the ad and product).

}

蜡笔小新 Pops HAHAHA!

Trying hard to imitate.

Dinner at Plaza Sing.
The man we'll always love. (:

Sissy stole our small-head genes and left me w Tweetybird's template.
No fair!

On a side note I finally cleared out my room. Hooray.
Amount of dust wiped off that fateful day__ unbelievable.
Masked the sensitive face, still developed a slight rash zz.

But see!? Spick-and-span!! Heheh
Music Corner/Arts, Craft & Languages/Study Desk.
Hmmmm now all my little haven lacks is a dam TELEVISION.
1995 Ch8 dramas showing at 2am, I can fall asleep to those.
Sheeok! Anyone?

TVTVTVTVTVTVTHANKEW.

ps: Iam re-activating my Flickr account soon
so please bear with mini photos recently.

2011-01-20T02:29:00.007+08:00

Such a sad touch despite the upbeat melody...
I think everyone goes through a feeling like this
at some point of time in life.
Wistfulness and yearning for past affection.
Iam inclined towards music that makes sense.
This makes sense.
Aren't the lyrics in purple just beautiful?

Why'd I have to go and be a fool again
Why'd I have to go and make a big thing out of nothing
I didn't know what I had till you were gone
It was right in front of me all along
And now those days of "same old story"
Are feeling more like faded glory

Had it all I threw it all aside
Thinking there was more out there I needed to find
I had it all baby
Till you went away
Blue sky, sunshine and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste?
I had it all

So where are all the fireworks I thought I'd see
I still haven't found the magic I was lookin' for that made me leave
Oh no, I traded in my comfort zone
For empty nights of bein' alone

Why did I believe that little voice
That led me down the path to this bad choice
Why don't I listen to the angels when they sing
Oh when they sing oh yeah

Had it all I threw it all aside
Thinking there was more out there I needed to find
I had it all baby
Till you went away
Blue sky, sunshine and butterflies
Those were the conditions that I left behind
Why did I let it go to waste?
I had it all

2011-01-18T23:35:00.011+08:00

Forgotten Sunday entry. I never published it.

Fool x2.

Updated!

2011-01-16T17:27:00.015+08:00

BUSY IN THE BONES.
After hours of hibernation, Im up and all ready
for Thank God It's Sunday! Teehee.
School officially started this week and Im lovin' it.
Thu, Fri, Sat (9-4pm oh man) but the units are interesting.
Contrary to what I thought, the class ratio male > females.
Who said men are not communicators by nature?
Glad to also have Sylvia and Isa as my lovely mates.
Looking forward to spend our two "no life" years together.
Hahahaha! *insert bittersweet face*

Visuals from first 2011 dates w best girlfriends.
Had Sakae and we moved on to HK Cafe for dessert.
Pigs, aging women.... whatever you wanna call us!

Tasteless udon.

热恋中的情侣__ cheena max, no better phrase to describe.
Because we're counting the 6th year together

yet every date with her is still crazy laughter and mad fun.
It really isn't easy maintaining a 1 on 1 friendship.
People run out of things to say after a while.
Im glad we both make the effort, well anyway we are effortlessly
living by the same frequency... most of the time hahaha.

And so recently we bought each other a token of love,
tad expensive, superbly bling and very grunge.

Pictures don't do our ring justice at all.
Shucks I sound too gay but heck, much 爱 to you honey!

Know you'll be reading this. No need 感动 ah.

Supper with Qing at Kay Poh Road.

Yeay Kpo Rd for real.

Slack. Half of BeeGees. And a shot of our shiny havaianas.

Generous me offered her two toes some color aha.

Spize for yummy nasi goreng and yoghurt @Swirlart.

Tales of the gummy bear.

7++ fricken bugs for yoghurt. Hers was 4 bugs.

Didn't pause to consider I just kept piling heavy fruits into my cup.

Boo Im such a greedy retard. Hopeless when it comes to food.

Fool!!!!!!!
Please kindly remind me to only select 1 grape, 1 kiwi & perhaps 2 strawberries
as toppings in future. Thank you.

Monday tomorrow and Im not feeling blue.
Kz byebye.
OHH p/s PappaRich is here in Singapore!! :O
If I remb correctly, nice experience at Kuala Lumpur's outlet.

2011-01-08T15:45:00.005+08:00

Imna step back. Nothing's ever that black and white.

We don't take angels from the sky.

2011-01-04T20:53:00.012+08:00

I am a believer of horoscopic astrology.

And as an Aquarian, Im not one to make resolutions for the year ahead.

Nor pen out a 2010 entry on whatever that happened in the past year.

As you all might already know,

I lost a very important relationship. Someone once close to the heart.

On the upside I've matured and discovered a stronger side of myself.

Thankful for music, family, awesome friends and good food.

Surely even these couldn't fill the vacant spot he left behind

but at least Im starting to recognize happiness now. (:

The Aquarian

This is a free spirit, typically with unique and fascinating ways of approaching life. While Aquarians do have a goal or direction in mind, they're very experimental and relaxed in finding the best route towards it, often viewing plans and rules as little more than temporary tools to be discarded in time. They aren't inspired by the satisfaction gained from formulating and sticking to rigid means. Many people are caught off guard, thinking the Aquarius is only living in a dream world. Aquarius women are detached from the rest of the world. They are very intuitive and often scary psychic. They are born with the tool to pay attention to fine detail. In love and marriage, Aquarians are idealistic and more vulnerable than people realize. Honesty is very important to them in a relationship. An Aquarian is a truthful person and expects the same in a partner.

The Aquarian male or female is notorious for being mysterious and unpredictable. An Aquarian female is like a butterfly which sits on every flower, but belongs to none. She may talk about fairies one day and discard elves as humbug, the other. Never look down on her or she might never look up to you. She respects you and will expect the same in return. As creative, intelligent and outspoken as the Aquarius personality is, he or she is also the most unemotional and detached of the zodiac signs. Getting inside the mind and dreams of this person is difficult, if not impossible. He or she is protective over the heart and will not trust it with just anyone. This is a person who will go to the ends of the earth to make those around them happy, but will detach in a situation that involves allowing others in.

Creativity is one of the greatest traits of the Aquarius. Individuality comes with the territory of the Aquarius sign and he or she is unlikely to live life according to anyone's books. In most instances, this is an endearing personality trait because the Aquarian is often loved for his or her unique perspective of the world. Artistic careers such as writing, art and music are ideal for this particular zodiac sign.

Browsed through articles, read up on some of my friends' too.

I'd say horoscope is influenced by various factors; upbringing, innate character etc.,

but still amazingly accurate in general.

}

Back to school in 2011!
Yipppee yeay!

Received the course acceptance in December.
Especially grateful to Professor Saunders.
I wasn't eligible as my GPA score fell short of the minimum,
apparently other students with same grade didn't make the cut.
Decided to bet on a 10% chance (and sgd70 application fee haa).
Wrote in an appeal. Im glad the effort paid off well.
Quite excited about lessons commencing in a couple of days!
Wish me luck!

2011 has been alright so far.
Watched Black Swan w Jayfloss on New Year's day.
Out in Sg theatres 10 Feb wahlau? Funshion spoils market!
We were arguing non-stop about the genre...
"Dance!" "No? Thriller! Psycho thriller." "Dance show la!!"
Wtheck haha. Two suppers, bowling for kicks w Ruby & Kai too.
Must say (humbly) that I've improved a lil from the last time. ;n)

Okay crap 8:50PM, gonna grab dinner from vending machine-sandwich,
seat myself in front of tv for another episode of Breakout.
I don't usually catch Ch 8 dramas religiously. This is an exception man!
戴阳天's merciless as hell yet dam vulnerable when it comes to the girl he loves.
Aw maybe Im inclined towards people with inner struggles haha. Sweet!

Anyway yep I took away the tagboard because I want my blog
as simple as possible in every way.
Basically a venue to create memories and recollect them - Period.
It's redundant in the sense that there are other means for interaction,
and I wish to keep this space solely for my personal thoughts.

So locate me at either http://www.facebook.com/auhclorac
OR http://twitter.com/auhclorac instead.
Gnight for now! Picture updates soon!

# 300

2010-12-31T15:23:00.011+08:00

And Im here again to say

HAPPY NEW YEAR '11!!
Enjoy the countdown tonight 00:00!

Dedication esp to my friends

>> Three Days Grace - The Good Life

Hardcore but I'd imagine its awesome music to celebrate on booze.

The good life is what I need

Too many people stepping over me
The only thing that's been on my mind
The one thing I need before I die

All I want
Is a little of the good life
All I need
Is to have a good time
The good life
All I want
Is a little of the good life
All I need
Is to have a good time
The good life

I don't really know who I am
It's time for me to take a stand
I need a change and I need it fast
I know that any day could be the last

Yep how true.
Guess all we need is a little of the good life.
With 2011 right ahead I wish you (yes reader) abundant happiness,
a fresh beginning and golden opportunities in the new year. (;

Let's fight for more than a little of the good life shall we.
Have fun!

# 299

2010-12-31T01:25:00.005+08:00

I wake up early these days because breakfast is enticing.

Marks & Spencer strawberry-coated flakes super yum!!

Well hope y'all had a merry season teeheh.

Glad to say mine turned out better than expected.

24.12.10 EVE

East Coast; Barbecue session with Jayfloss, Ruby & click.,

oh and and 3 great girls Magdalene, Shernice, Eileen.

Bunch of awesome people! Life tracks back sometimes.

2006 was the year I last celebrated Cmas w Jay at the same place,

on the same day, doing the very same things.

Tent-pitching/free flow food/alcohol/crazy games till dawn.

Didn't wanna be humanburger in town

or end up in pub-filled with youngsters spraying snow.

Needed a relax Christmas. 5566 seaview haha!

Here's visuals from the night. Credits to Benj.

Too chill that I only took four pictures of Mag and I.

Benj.

Eileen who drank for 2, Shernice shared gossip haha, Mag wears bluff shoes,

Carol um... slouches in photos.

Chatted w Mag mostly she's really nice.

Ohhh ya the pit was a 20min walk to Mcdonalds (restrooms).

So engrossed in conversation that we happily strolled past our friends while returning,

still oblivious, we carried on until arriving at far end of the park,

saw the staircase tower and finally realized something was wrong AHA.

Apparently they saw us miss the pit and called out but neither of us responded.

Dam retarded know!!

I said "Funny face!!" Cute right Mag.

Mac, macmac, macmacmac, macmac, macmac, macmacmacmac.. DRRINK!!

I think Jay the Thaiboy came up with it. Haha. :B

Never play frog game when everyone's high. Total fail.

25.12.10 CHRISTMAS

Slept at 10am on the day itself.

Met up with neighbor for supper at Heartland Mall's HK Cafe.

Felt ultra bad I didn't prepare anything but M&S liquor-filled chocs

only to find out he don't fancy chocolates. Walau fussy!

Hahahaha. Supposed to accompany him have his meal,

in the end he ordered dim sum and I ate most of it. :n\

Handmade XL stocking, coolmax.

Thank you Berd.

And the worst part, after work on Cmas he drove around,

first to pick up Elyn then Gardens to check out pubs...

waiting for us to decide on our plans. Before bringing us to my house

where I spent the night drinking away with Bao downstairs.

(whole bot of vodka given by him as well) Oh man.

All these despite seeming quite tired.

Thank you again neighbor! :D

He probably won't read this though.

26.12.10 POST-CHRISTMAS

Pops' place in the evening.

Dearest AD surprised us w headphones!!

Hurray. Planning to catchup on Vampire Diaries soon,

will come in handy.
And now I can blast the volume when learning songs!
I love almost-family days.
Just gathered in front of the tv, growing fat from snacks,
listening to Daddy go on and on about life lessons. :o)

I actually watched Hello Stranger again w Sissy and Kaori.
Hahaha whatever funny still made me laugh a second time.
Yea thats how much I enjoyed the movie. Romantic-ca!

Probably be home on New Year's eve. Ok, today.

Hopefully this can work magic and heal me in time for 1 Jan!

Yellow balls.

Yikes 1:22AM I am way past my goaltime.

Goodnight folks!

# 298

2010-12-23T15:18:00.010+08:00

Dinner w Shishi yesterday.

She reached home and came out again just to acc me.

Aww, Im officially her temporary lover.

$6.50 per hour/1.5 times if OT. (SMRT rate)
Left her at 11:20pm so thats a lot of overtime.
Where's my pay dearie?!? Hahaha.
I've never understood all the hype about KOI bubble tea,

had it once; wasn't anything worth the ridiculous queue.

But we chanced across another chain: Taiwan's SUPER.

The red bean milk tea is dam good. Sugar 50%.

Friends go try go try when you're at Amk central.

}

Totally digging the band >> SONS OF SYLVIA.

Like 'em enough Im gonna get their Revelation album!

Love Left To Lose

Rocking vocals. Plus lead singer's hot....

Musical geniuses are exceptionally hot don't you think. ;b

Hooked on a few vids of their performances, really talented trio.
I wanna catch them live someday!

Lastly, in case I don't check in here till after 25th,
MERRY CHRISTMAS FELLAS!
Plow happiness out of Santa! :D

Big-ass Carebear *waves*

# 297

2010-12-21T22:53:00.003+08:00

Uncle Benny's staying at our place for 10 days!

Hooray because MonsterMom will cut me some slack.

Phew. Anddddd finally a proper dinner.

Been eating maggi mee 5x a week man.

Stocked up like mad from Korean mart at Thomson.

Apparently no MSG, but stillll. Hair Loss.

Sigh. Yummy though....

Anyway, with Facebook who still blogs these days?

Quite silly to upload on both ends isn't it?

Santa in three days and Im not feeling merry at all.

Entirely lost my voice yesterday. Coughed through the night.

But Woods' Peppermint Syrup is dope!

Better than Pei Pa Koa (don't ask me why they spell it this way).

This post is utter random. Hahahha.

Okay I should just go ketchup tv, 破天网.

A mixture of cranky-high now.

Cranky from nose block. High on cranberry juice.

Ohh did I share secret about my favorite drink?

I pour one glass every night. Must have ice.

I sit in the hall, plug music and sip on it leisurely,

maybe due to influence of color or taste.... it actually reminds me of wine.

Retarded yes yes but somehow doing that helps me rejuvenate.

Cranberry magic! Heh hokay. Goodnight

Cutting my fringe tomorrow wish me luck.

# 296

2010-12-17T14:31:00.002+08:00

I think, I've gotten used to life without a special someone.

You learn to love yourself more. Which is partially good.

Gonna catch Let Me In with Ivy honey in few hours!
Based on Swedish film Let The Right One In (2008) which I thought nice,
am excited how the Americans have tweaked their version.

Also, after long anticipation... Hello Stranger yesterday.
Finally know! And I really needed the laughs from this movie.
5 stars 5 stars.

Hahahhaha now Im contented.

# 295

2010-12-14T16:10:00.003+08:00

Today I'm happy.

Sorry to Dear Auhclorac and perhaps readers if any,

that this space is often plagued with my failure moods.

Best thing that has happened to me in a long, long while.

Haha. I woke up sweating, yet another nightmare

but after a call from BHF and piece of delightful news at my bedside....

in an instant all I felt was really 'Fxck dreams. This is reality.'

Wish I could smile from the bottom of my heart

every single day of my life. (:

Im thankful to a lot of people. Most importantly thank you God.

Im not Christian, not even one of Your faithful believers.

Throughout the years I pray to You for courage and strength,

sometimes it slips my mind or maybe Im too exhausted to trust.

Such bad conduct, still, when I finally come back

You are always listening.

Happiness grows at our own firesides

and is not to be picked in strangers' gardens.

- Douglas Jerrold

# 294

2010-12-12T23:19:00.001+08:00

Sing a song of 6pence a pocket full of rye,

4 and 20 blackbirds baked in a pie

# 293

2010-12-12T17:08:00.007+08:00

Did you think I would rob you of your new happiness?
Once I might have been a beggar. But I'm no thief.

Someone whom I used to share almost everything with

is now the same someone who bails at the sound of my name.

Wonder if this hurt is even bearable.

Runaway. Run, runaway.

# 292

2010-12-11T13:37:00.002+08:00

(enable 'cc' for English sub)

Big inspiration.

Love that they don't conform to your regular girl band.

Their music, dance, attitude, dressing styles ---

Four very talented and charismatic females.
Impressive live.

# 291

2010-12-08T15:50:00.003+08:00

Wish I am blinded now rather than knowing I was blinded in the past.

Even that last promise, I've decided not to fulfill anymore.

atb

Devastating night.. but strangely calm headed.

Sapporo beer and clapclap. Goodnight at 9 oclock am.

Thank you floss-the-piss-niggas. Rockstar!

# 290

2010-12-06T23:52:00.023+08:00

Ultra refreshed after a swim in the night.

Water was freezing cold but I jumped in anyway.

Haha. And there was no one else. Entire pool to myself..
though a wee bit freaky when I noticed this shadow floating the surface.

Out of nowhere. For one split second it looked like someone's head.

Clearly alone in the pool yet above me there was movement. Scary.
Some kid dropped his big grey balloon.

-___-)

Under 'dark' water with sparse spotlights/linear patterns being the only things in sight,

my mind feels free, just fixed on counting laps.
^m^

Super excited!! Gonna meet Pris and Yvonne tmrw.
Primary school friends waaah.
Lucky for me picnic cancelled, bbbbecause how else can I contribute
besides finishing up all their food. :\
Alright alright Im dling Jamie Oliver's app now.
Shucks. Too many faces in this entry ah?

# 289

2010-12-05T14:15:00.002+08:00

Twisted from underneath the carpet in my heart

and came right out.

# 288

2010-12-02T09:59:00.000+08:00

Same dream, different setting.
I need to get it done today.

# 287

2010-11-27T22:47:00.011+08:00

Feeling disappointed, in people.

Whoever whatever whenever.

Nothing new actually. I knew it long ago.

People just aim to talk about themselves.
They listen when they accidentally fall into the same misery.

They care only if they remember how it's like.

Other than that, who gives a fuck about your story?
Who needs to hear sorrow while basking in happy days?

This is how I learnt to keep quiet.

Come or go - People will be a bonus.

I'll be safe attached to myself.
And really.... no one else.

Strange, but a decision that makes me happy. (:

I'ma sleep early tonight.

With Eminem's music in the background.

Yes Eminem. You didn't hear wrong.

He puts me to sleep.

# 286

2010-11-22T23:59:00.006+08:00

Keyboard lesson at Jayy's, L4D2 Parang version,

late night Harry Potter the movie with BigSis.

Yea it's a teeny weeny step. Im almost starting from scratch

but at least I feel closer to what I wanna achieve in music

- being able to play and sing, possibly create my own songs.

So an eventful & happy day helps to take the mind off missing pieces in life.
(:

On a side note:

Ohhhmg Emma Watson has perfect features to die for.

Um though I'd still prefer Kristen Stewart any time!! Heh

She's the epitome of striking beauty and aura. No you cannot disagree.

Love that aloofness offscreen, versatility in her sense of dressing

(proven: girls need not always be in tight black dresses to look good)..

G-Gorgeous. Charms I off I feet.

# 285

2010-11-19T14:15:00.006+08:00

Finally done packing the clutter of a wardrobe!!

Hoho it looks mighty neat now I am excited to go out

just so I can choose clothes haha.

Blood runs thicker than water.

My number 1 is coming home in January.

Chelly chelly chelly. *chants*

With BigSis!

Following visuals taken last year at Peishan's housewarming:

(In the midst of 'shorter hair experiment' before I snipped it alll off)

No regrets, though Im growing it long again I think. ;]

Photoshoot of lil Prince.

I ♥ my couzins.

Hardly write about them as Chelly's in Australia, Peishan's a proud mommy of 2 already.

But we share a truckload of memories growing up together;

weekly dinners, cny gambling, hot milo and stayovers etc...

because our parents are close enough to get 3 properties right beside one another.

-_zzz Heh.

Time flies. PP (secret nick for ps) started a family of her own.

She used to tell us the simple dream of finding a good husband and raising lovely children.

Indeed! Mission accomplished.

There's nothing simple about it actually, to identify your soulmate out of the many.

The confidence in building a life for two and more..

thats why Im really happy for her. Clap clap

And bonus brownie: PP's older boy Zenden super adorable!

Look attttt him!

Ohmy elephanto lantern cute x2

HAHAHAHAHHA HOT AH??!? (double meaning)

Aawww :*)

I'll bet Ray baby is as handsome as his brother hee.

Okay running late.

Gona head town to meet my click clique.

TBG 4-1 Hopefully we can catch a movie.

Have a great weekend!

# 284

2010-11-15T22:05:00.006+08:00

Many days like today will make a day with no return.

I should stop expecting her to act as a mother.

All the unnecessary disappointment and pain.

Been years, yet the root of problem is too simple.

Every huge fight I curse. I swear. I hate.

These emotions are so intense I believe it is permanent.

After some time though, I am looking at her again through eyes of a daughter to mother.

I tread fucking carefully in my own house.

Even when I have become tolerant towards her nonsense and mastered the art of ignoring....
Why is it still so dam difficult to keep peace?

Pops and BigSis have probably forgiven her. Definitely not forget.

I'll never be able to enjoy a mother's unconditional love no matter how I envy others or hope for change.
What am I waiting for?

BigSis said it didn't hurt anymore the day she gave up expecting her to behave like one.
I just need-to-let-go.

Me. I find it impossible to ever forgive.

Bad karma maybe. Afterall she brought us up.

But few can understand the extremity of losing a feeling called 'guilt'.
I've tried my best to fix things.

Lucky for us AD came into our lives.

What started out as a slightly awkward relationship gradually developed into an endearing family count.

She's genuinely concerned about our well-being
and from the small quiet gestures done for us/my daddy,

there's nothing more heartwarming than her presence.

Once after a heated argument w Pops,
reached home to receive an sms explaining on behalf of my Dad,

reminding me that despite harsh words he loves me a lot

and letting me know I can come to her whenever, for whatever.

Mega sweet. Almost mommy to me. (*:
Thank God.

# 283

2010-11-14T03:39:00.006+08:00

专属最后也变平凡

# 282

2010-11-08T22:23:00.001+08:00

What is the world coming to?!

And we're not even talking about plastic surgery.

Haha this is alien funny though.

}

Ooh finally got my hands on Eat Pray Love (book) yesterday.

Thankew BigSis!

Yes, something to do while accing Ivy on study trips.

Life has been random. Time alone sets me thinking a lot.

Remove fear, enter focus.

4-word phrase that was the root of all incapabilities.

e.g. How much I wish I could sing without fear.

Working doubly hard on it.

# 281

2010-11-02T15:59:00.001+08:00

Harmonisation.

# 280

2010-10-30T23:59:00.011+08:00

Yes Halloween eve for me was spent at home.

Somehow aft visiting Zouk in August,

plus a few weekends of beer and ktv...

October has been relatively home-ish.

Its not entirely good

given the fact that closure was made not long ago.

More alone time to dwell and mess up recovery, tssk.

You know how people tend to create social boundaries?

Like "Oh Im from a girls' school my friends should all be English-speaking."

or "Look at them now. Probably gona be the same 10 years down."
Sure enough I do my fair share of judgement too.

But Im glad I've close friends who are different in many ways;

be it personality, lifestyle, interests, mannerism etc.

There's something to learn from each and every one of them.

A particular trait or strength.

And I think it's really important because

I'll always have genuine company no matter what Im up to.

For instance my clique doesn't sing (much less chinese songs haha)

but then its alright. I have a handful who share my passion for music.

When I feel lazy and just wana chill with good food,

TBG will be the 3 bosom old ladies beside me.

Every single time Im at my worst, mad hysterical,

comfort comes in the form of Ivy my best honey.
If Im missing out on fun joy laughter, a night stroll w Fel sweetheart is cure.

And when I am utterly crushed, in need of a dance/beer

XG bao is SOS in disguise heh.

Of course the above people they are so awesome

their presence in my life far exceeds what I've quoted.

I am defensive of friends I've chosen to keep

(which means talk, hang out, update bla) as on top of anything else,

they are the very ones I view as sincere and trustworthy -

two qualities harder to find than how well a person matches you.

I am not socially adept.

Still for those I've been blessed with, I truly madly deeply

love and appreciate.

Haha sorry. Emotional night.
Happy Halloween dudes!

# 279

2010-10-28T19:05:00.008+08:00

Only having them in visual capacity, nil words.
By excluding that part of photo memories

(which is rather inappropriate to blog of now)

I realized I am left with little to update.
Yea also time to revamp this space.

It is a little too cheery for mood these days.

Anyway I've posted my journey with SMRT Media on fb.

From Jan - Sep 2010, including Taxis.

Not gona repost here since there's not much to write

except for very nice colleagues.

Wenshi & Jasmine power combo. Favorite girls!!

Their endless sweet gestures;

staying late to acc me when I had to work overtime,

constantly dropping me surprises and cute notes,

duo motivation when I whineee about the hectic scope,

making sure I always have enough water etc....

Thank you thank you. I miss you dearies!

Baoz, Michelle, Jeff, Grace, Lai Yee, Adrian, Choi Wan.

Awesome people whom I really learnt a lot from.
Meaningful perspectives and advices I'll always keep in mind.

During my stint with the company, as with all workplaces

I witnessed how selfish and conceited adults get to be.

Kinda funny.

As kids we were ticked off for not sharing candies with our mates.

But now that we're not so young anymore, it seems less of a fault.

Makes me wonder if this is what growing up forces you to become.

Makes me wonder x2 if these traits are the very ones that bring us success.

Every man for himself. A survival skill.

Well I found some for me to respect and some others I didn't understand.

Dislike is too strong to put across.

In any case I'd hope to mature into the first category.

Grateful I met a few colleagues that I can call friends. :)

# 278

2010-10-20T19:21:00.002+08:00

When it was all fuzzy and nice.

Bursting.

# 277

2010-10-10T16:05:00.001+08:00

Just home from lunch @Thomson with the clique.
Had sucky food but it's the company that matters.
TBG TBG TBG!
Overslept and flew out of the house just brushing teeth.

So after several disagreements (and that's to put it lightly)

hahahahhaha we are heading to Phuket coming Jan! ;D

Eggcitement.

Here's a little foresight....
please enlarge for better view

HAHAHAHAHHHAHA!!

With lots of love,

deardear

# 276

2010-10-02T23:48:00.000+08:00

Stay-home Sat glued onto Mischievous Kiss

and enjoying Pastamania's prawn aglio delivered...

sidetrack: Favorite Korean boy :*D

heheh not that bad after all!

# 275

2010-10-01T17:47:00.028+08:00

Whatever courage/impulse that persisted in me, I gave my all.

You're right. Because I choose to remember the good.

Yes even 40 over 60.

I believe ratio changes for better or worse depending on how much we are willing to risk.

That slight possibility I fought for, definitely worth the pain.
Somewhere down the road I might hear a 'What if'?
At least now I know I couldn't have done more.

Every flicker of bliss with you was priceless.

3.5 years to an end.

Its not about the length of romance really.

If it was 10 years - yet nil trace of love at the last stand,

wonderful memories are pointless as they can never be recreated.

I felt different about us at that very last stand.

Same warm tug in the heart, two better persons.

Still I understand the struggles within.
If this is best for us in your pov lets allow time to heal.

I cannot say thank you enough for the countless sacrifices made.

You were (are) meant to be a high-flyer, achieving great things

and our relationship was the string that kept you grounded.

Hereafter, I genuinely wish you will find happiness in life.

To forge the bonds and pursue what you want.

Thank you for supporting me through bad patches,

making me smile with your silly faces and taking care of my concerns.

Guess deep down we truly appreciate the goodness in each other.

One fact for sure, it isn't easy to meet a boy like you in our present world.
You'll always have an important place as long as Im here.

:o)

人本来就寂寞的

借来的都该还掉

# 274

2010-09-27T17:23:00.011+08:00

re·lief

1. The easing of a burden or distress; such as pain, anxiety, or oppression.

2. A feeling of cheerfulness or optimism that follows the removal of anxiety, pain, or distress.

Resolute. Yet I struggled in turning a blind eye to my innermost feeling.

It was very real begging me to take a step forward, so I did.

Now that I've said and done all within my means
this is where the family heirloom from Dad takes place:
I cannot control the environment/people but I can fine-tune myself.
With 11001 photo memories of us on holiday etc....
(gotta face up to them sooner or later) Im really lost.

# 273

2010-09-15T01:05:00.001+08:00

Cut-Out

第一次拥吻以前我们找不到语言
但听见彼此灵魂多渴望永远
x
你给的每个纪念都排在床沿
相机是牵手两年围巾是东京五天
戒指是又哭又笑的道歉
x
我不相信你心中现在她最美
你不会你不会你不会把我们的爱踩碎
我不相信你口中会讲出后悔
你不会你不会你不会不心疼
我拒绝被看见的泪
x
我不相信走来的幸福在脱轨
你不会你不会你不会留残酷让我面对
我不相信累积的回忆都损毁
你不会你不会你不会舍得我
流一滴像乞讨的泪

1*'s here faster than I expected.
Might have been unconsciously dreading it.
Time, to officially embrace the truth.
With a :o)! Go go go.

# 272

2010-08-28T13:20:00.001+08:00

At 711 when I caught sight of B&J's Choco Fudge Brownie.

Felt like yesterday. I know better.

Suddenly it struck me, the many "next time"s have all become invalid.

This was to be one of them.

And so on impulse (filled stomach) I bought the $5.20 ice cream.

But not at the cinema, not together.

I savoured it. On the streets, by myself.

What an irony - sweet taste bitter heart.

# 271

2010-08-23T23:32:00.001+08:00

Last Tues, Shorty (Smarty)-pants decided that hairs on her face were distracting.

Except for those brows of course.

And since nothing horrible happened previously on the upper lips + forehead,

she bravely told the predator waiting with strings in hand: "OK, whole face!!!"

Smarty-pants, being one, didn't pause to consider the advice given by friends:

DON'T THREAD YOUR FACE. SENSITIVE SKIN CONFIRM REACT.

The process - bloody hell painful.

But Smarty-pants had high tolerance, was excited over "better" skin after...

Oh nonononononono. Mistake.

Two days later - worst breakout ever.

I am not kidding or exaggerating man.

Because of this ancient practice called pfffffthreading

I'VE BEEN STUCK AT HOME IN HOPES OF RECOVERY.

Cancelled all plans.

Now a week from the killer act and and I'm still healing.

Extremely slowly. Sometimes I think its even spreading.

Ugh help meeeee.

So people with very sensitive skin, please never be tempted to thread.

Others may look pretty but you'll just end up with a lot of unpleasant things on your face.

Learn to be wise.

Love, depressed Smarty-pants.

BOYCOTT THREADING!

# 270

2010-08-12T16:11:00.005+08:00

Pining for love that might never return.

Time that is quietly slipping away.

Feelings that hasn't ceased despite all the lost pride.

Memories that will never become my present again.

陳綺貞 - 距離